Eat, Pray, Love... or Something like that... Part 1

We often discover that the unplanned moments in our lives are usually the most memorable. That no matter how much we try to align things, things turn out as they should and not as you planned.

19 days ago I turned 30... and 2 days ago I returned from the most amazing trip I've ever taken in my life, thus far.

For a little over 8 years, I've been wanting to take a trip down to Colombia. 8 years of traveling to numerous other places... 8 years of knowing this is where I wanted to go, but somehow the universe not allowing it to happen. Until this year, when I went as far as putting it on my vision board & telling myself this is the year I would make this happen, no matter what.

& this is the year that it did.

When I originally planned or set out for this trip, I had no intention of going alone. I'm not a world traveler, I'm not a fearless adventurer. I do not seek thrills in discovering new things outside of my concrete jungle. I tend to be the traveler that lounges, drinks & eats...

Then this happened...

I ended up alone in Colombia (I'll spare the details on how)... I only knew I would be alone hours before I was set to board my plane. & for reasons unknown to me, I was completely calm... not nervous, not upset...just...calm. As if I knew this would be the outcome... and also because I had meditated enough to know that I would let nothing or no one ruin this experience for me...

they aren't lying when they say that when somethings "right" & meant to happen, the universe conspires and makes everything work out perfectly. That things just seem to fall into place, without much effort on your part.

I learned many things on this trip (stay tuned for part 2), but one of the initial lessons was that some moments are best experienced alone, that unlike what society usually makes you feel, you don't need someone else to witness it for it to be great.

In order to fully take anything in, you have to be still & be observant... and often that is only possible when you're completely alone... & this is exactly what happened... I felt every emotion you can think of while on this trip, from fear, joy, sadness, excitement... from silent moments in tears & thoughts, to the happiest of moments surrounded by strangers.

You see, I took this trip without anyone I knew... But never ever did I feel alone...

To be continued...

xoxo
signs the girl that took a leap of faith & landed a new person.

Raw

I think one of my favorite things about meeting new people, is how much we learn about ourselves in the process. That is, of course if you're self reflective enough.

I enjoy self discovery. If nothing else is certain... It's sure as heck sure that you're stuck with yourself until in the very end... So why not know yourself... So I do a ton of self evaluation in my day to day. Not always productively. But enough that I'm continuously learning & using it when need be.

So, one of my recent interesting discoveries is a potential positive or negative thing about my personality. Depends on who you're asking or the interaction...

& that is... I'm too much of myself, always. I don't water myself down, and all parts of me can become overwhelming to some. I share 100% of my energy, I don't give myself in doses. I wear my heart on my sleeve & I'm raw. I give it all and if you can't handle my wholeness, then you can't.

I don't switch things up... I'm consistent in my ways, even if my ways aren't entirely perfect. You get this me from beginning to end. In all settings, and with all interactions, I choose to put my true face forward and hope for the best from there.

I wasn't always this way. I, like most people in society, would give small doses of myself until it seemed people were ready for all of me. Or some still never show their full selves unless around the right people.

some days... I wish I could retract and go back to that. Go  back to days where I had some reservations, at least initially. Back to the times where I was so concerned of my surroundings that I was conservative with what I let out.

& other days... I wouldn't change a thing... I'm a free spirit, a person that doesn't let pride determine the relationships I keep. I don't care to share my thoughts no matter who's on the listening end. I don't care of the opinions of others, even if this effects my relationships in the long run. My thought process is, if you don't like me in my full natural form... then you just don't like me at all.

So I have recently discovered that my heart & soul are exposed. That I'm not guarded, that I put it all out on the table and leave it up to you if you eat...

people like me get hurt often & easily...

but people like me are unchanged by the reality that most people aren't like this... that not everyone is giving you their full selves & that we are often unaware... unknowing... of what people are capable of... until it's too late.

xoxo
signs the girl that's raw in her form. 

Eliz 3.0

a few hours shy of entering the once scary place called your 30's... I think it hit me when I was 26 or so, that this crazy number was creeping closely. That number that signifies you are truly no longer a young adult. That number that means your ovaries are definitely looking up at you now... that number that at one point in time seemed OLD... REALLY OLD...

& here we are...

a few hours shy of it, & it's not scary anymore. My manicure wasn't what I wanted, my shirt came in the wrong size, my hair stylist quit the salon... and I'm not hyperventilating, because let's face it, at this age so much other significant changes are constantly happening, that the once detrimental things, seem...so, so dumb.

It doesn't matter as much, as it once did. I guess this is 30, the realization that things have been going "wrong" the right way for years now. That there is in fact perfection in timing. That the cliche saying, everything happens for a reason, is more than just a saying, but a way of life. The acceptance that certain things will happen if you're ready for them or not.

Turning 30 being one of them.

I should be counting my blessings, & I have this week in particular. I'm surrounded by so much love my heart could burst. So many people love me for the crazy individual that I am, Some for years now, and others are just learning the essence of me.

I promised myself that no matter what happens in the next 21 days, I will not let it effect my energy. That no matter the curve balls life throws my way, I will handle them the way I've been learning how to, for the last 29 years...

I'm entering 30 taking a trip I've been dreaming about... putting closure to a long extended farewell. To heal my heart and enter this new chapter ready to face the next 30+. Having my own version of "Eat, Pray, Love" hoping to come back taking on life in a different light. That I come back with a healed heart & soul from the journey that was my young adulthood.

I'm blessed, beyond measure, not by material things but by the warmth of every soul I've ever encountered. Knowing that at my "young" age, I've touched so many lives with my energy and words. That if nothing else, I've made my energy contagious enough that people engulf in it. That the path I've walked has led me here and I can't complain, because here is where I should be.

so, I guess this is 30...

I'll see & find out.

xoxo
signs the girl embracing her womanhood.

Beginnings...

"Beginnings are scary, especially after many bumpy endings. 

This doesn't mean you should avoid them. 

This doesn't mean you should expect the worst. 

This doesn't mean this beginning won't change absolutely everything. 

Beginnings are meant to be scary, with it comes new experiences, lessons, and another story to tell....

and hopefully one that continues to write itself... 

xoxo ElizTalks"

I think we all have our thoughts on how we feel about new beginnings. How quickly we embrace them, how open we are to jumping in, how willing we are to actually start... or how reluctant we become to start new chapters, how scary the unknown truly is, how unwilling we are to actually start...
As we get older, beginnings usually mean something else ended, So it comes with a mix of bitter sweet feelings. It comes with this sense of excitement for what's to come, mixed with nostalgia for what use to be, blended with fear of what will come from it.

The more we experience in life, the more immune we become to the constant beginning & ending of things. We become numb almost, to this cycle. New friends, new jobs, new partners, new homes... which means old friends, old jobs, old partners, old homes... the list goes on. Life consist of moments that are always either beginning or ending...

and in some rare special cases, simply continuing... A story that has one beginning with a series of little endings, yet no true end...an infinite experience that is continuous. Still filled with chapters of beginnings but maybe not the ones you're use to... these beginnings are usually the scariest or the most natural. You never really know what's to come off a first step, probably not even after several.

Life leaves us with the certainty that nothing is in fact certain. That solid foundations crack, that brick walls crumble, & that a beginning that felt like it would never have an end...could.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't begin again... this doesn't mean we should be so fearful of what we don't know that we fail to experience a story... that this beginning might be different than any other & you wouldn't know that, unless you actually start...

Beginnings are scary, especially after man bumpy endings...
this doesn't mean you should avoid them...

never know what infinite beginnings come with it...

xoxo
Signs the girl considering a new book...

A race to forever...

As the clock ticks & I get closer & closer to a much anticipated age of 30... I've come to accept, learn and observe a lot about human nature, in my 29.99 years of life.

I've seen a lot & I've done a lot in this lifetime so far. I've experienced enough to fill a book, yet never enough to stop learning. Sometimes I even look back and think I've lived a few lives in just this one. & I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

With experiences come many lessons... With interactions come many observations...One prominent observation I've made, is how we're constantly racing to forever... Certain things we wish to begin despite them having no real "end"... Families, Love, Friendships, Careers... I admit for a long time I was this person. This person who's life worked on a timeline & outline. That things had to align a certain way for my life to be "right". That if by this age, I wasn't doing this, then I might as well crumble into nothingness.

I admit, for a split second on any given day, I still reach these moments of anxiety in which I mentally hyperventilate at the idea that my life isn't "where it should be, by now"... That certain things aren't progressing "as they should be"... only to take a seat & remind myself, who decides MY "should be"...

Then I realize I'm racing to forever... & I stop.

That life is going to happen if I plan it or not. That I'm going to experience things if I'm meant to. That my forever is a series of moments that make up my right now. That I've geniuely gotten more out of life with my temporary forevers, that some won't in forever...

That if I'm waiting on a story that will last forever, it still won't mean as much as the forever I'm already living right now.

That if it begins today or 5 years from now, it won't change it's worthiness. That we get so consumed in every other individuals story that we forget we can only live our own. That just because they are doing it differently doesn't mean they are doing it right... doesn't mean they are doing it wrong either... they are just doing. As you should just do....

That the only true ticking clock is the biological clock, & even that one has been adjusted by science.

That racing to forever won't make forever last any longer. Or make it any better.

That my forever might end tomorrow... and I'll still be fine with the forever I've lived.

That maybe some experiences aren't meant for you & others are.

That forever is forever for a reason, so just go with it....

that every second...makes up forever.

xoxo

Signs the girl accepting her right now.

Opinions

"Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one"...

I obviously always knew this, I'm lucky enough & blessed to be surrounded by a ton of amazing people, so I've heard my fair share of opinions. 

But I personally think, NO ONE gets the joy of hearing more opinions ::I hope you heard the sarcasm:: than a 29 (almost 30) year old single woman. Clearly just my perspective at the moment, as all things I write. 

But anywho, either I missed the memo, or 

A) Everyone is so full of wisdom & knowledge that they have it all figured out & I missed the forum 

B) Everyone knows what's best for me, & not me myself or anything

C) I'm such a lost puppy that needs all this guidance 

D) Everyone got their PHD in dating

::Hope you heard the sarcasm again::

Not to say I take these opinions negatively, don't get your panties in a bunch, BIH... BUT chill out people. You have it figured out as much as I do. No one will EVER...I repeat EVER know me more than I know myself. You might want the best for me & have the best intention at heart, but no one will EVER know what's best for me, more than I do. Same goes for you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. (well maybe my mom, she seems to be a true guru in most things)... 

Not that I'm expecting people to sit in silence during a conversation, by any means. Sharing thoughts & opinions with humans is healthy & necessary. But be mindful of your tone. Be careful not to share your opinion as fact or expertise. That doing so will only make me, not respect a single thing you're saying, so don't waste your breath. 

We're all in this planet trying to figure it out, & rest assure you haven't, none of us have. It's trail & error, all of life literally is. No matter what stage/phase or life you're in, you still have lessons to learn (by experiencing things), you still have plenty of life to live. Where you are today won't be where you are tomorrow & your opinions will change. So don't take yourself too serious. 

If there's one thing I've learned is that the universe is never done teaching us. That what we felt yesterday might not be the same days from today. That the universe has a funny, REALLY funny way of showing us just how off we are when we think we know the "right way" or the things we'd never ever do... I'll wait for it... 

So, don't let the sarcastic opinionated beast come out next time you're trying to figure my life out for me... Because I have an asshole too...

xoxo 

signs the girl that prays she doesn't suddenly become knower of all things... 

(BF)F?

Should your partner be your best friend?

I have mixed feelings about the topic. Parts of me automatically answer with, "hell F-ing absolutely, yes"...
...then other parts are like not necessarily...

Hear me out...

A partner is suppose to be a teammate, at least that's how I imagine it should be. A confidant that you go to at your lowest & highest moments. The person you geniuely want to share everything with. Which is beginning to sound a lot like a best friend. Someone that holds your secrets and holds you down whenever necessary.

I recently had a discussion about this & was surprised to hear the person say that this is absolutely untrue. That a good partnership does not need to mean best friends. That friend & partner should be two separate things. I was a bit taken aback. As our new age expectations in society has definitely made that statement entirely false.

But, then you take a minute to take it in and realize that this is exactly how things worked back in the day...you know... back when partnerships lasted... back when relationships didn't really end... was this because people weren't friends? They were solely partners..... ::insert shocked confused thought provoked emoji face::: Then I started thinking, maybe there's logic to this madness. Maybe expecting a best friend out of a partner shouldn't be on top of the list. That so many other qualities should trump this detail, which to some is very important ( please note I'm one of those "some"). That a best friend should be found among your friends, & a partner, well should be found within the person you're intimate with.

When you are surrounded by a lot of friends (like myself & the nameless person in this convo) you aren't truly craving that from anyone else. You get that in so many places that the need, want & desire to find it in ONE person seems unreal since each single person in your life fills that role in their own way. You wouldn't imagine life without every single one of them.

Not to say your partner is unimportant. I still think they will forever hold a higher pedestal than everyone else. a different type of bond... a relationship unparalleled to any other.

but maybe best friend isn't what we should be looking for...
or is it?

xoxo
signs the girl that always tries to see things from anothers perspective...