Beginnings...

"Beginnings are scary, especially after many bumpy endings. 

This doesn't mean you should avoid them. 

This doesn't mean you should expect the worst. 

This doesn't mean this beginning won't change absolutely everything. 

Beginnings are meant to be scary, with it comes new experiences, lessons, and another story to tell....

and hopefully one that continues to write itself... 

xoxo ElizTalks"

I think we all have our thoughts on how we feel about new beginnings. How quickly we embrace them, how open we are to jumping in, how willing we are to actually start... or how reluctant we become to start new chapters, how scary the unknown truly is, how unwilling we are to actually start...
As we get older, beginnings usually mean something else ended, So it comes with a mix of bitter sweet feelings. It comes with this sense of excitement for what's to come, mixed with nostalgia for what use to be, blended with fear of what will come from it.

The more we experience in life, the more immune we become to the constant beginning & ending of things. We become numb almost, to this cycle. New friends, new jobs, new partners, new homes... which means old friends, old jobs, old partners, old homes... the list goes on. Life consist of moments that are always either beginning or ending...

and in some rare special cases, simply continuing... A story that has one beginning with a series of little endings, yet no true end...an infinite experience that is continuous. Still filled with chapters of beginnings but maybe not the ones you're use to... these beginnings are usually the scariest or the most natural. You never really know what's to come off a first step, probably not even after several.

Life leaves us with the certainty that nothing is in fact certain. That solid foundations crack, that brick walls crumble, & that a beginning that felt like it would never have an end...could.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't begin again... this doesn't mean we should be so fearful of what we don't know that we fail to experience a story... that this beginning might be different than any other & you wouldn't know that, unless you actually start...

Beginnings are scary, especially after man bumpy endings...
this doesn't mean you should avoid them...

never know what infinite beginnings come with it...

xoxo
Signs the girl considering a new book...

A race to forever...

As the clock ticks & I get closer & closer to a much anticipated age of 30... I've come to accept, learn and observe a lot about human nature, in my 29.99 years of life.

I've seen a lot & I've done a lot in this lifetime so far. I've experienced enough to fill a book, yet never enough to stop learning. Sometimes I even look back and think I've lived a few lives in just this one. & I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

With experiences come many lessons... With interactions come many observations...One prominent observation I've made, is how we're constantly racing to forever... Certain things we wish to begin despite them having no real "end"... Families, Love, Friendships, Careers... I admit for a long time I was this person. This person who's life worked on a timeline & outline. That things had to align a certain way for my life to be "right". That if by this age, I wasn't doing this, then I might as well crumble into nothingness.

I admit, for a split second on any given day, I still reach these moments of anxiety in which I mentally hyperventilate at the idea that my life isn't "where it should be, by now"... That certain things aren't progressing "as they should be"... only to take a seat & remind myself, who decides MY "should be"...

Then I realize I'm racing to forever... & I stop.

That life is going to happen if I plan it or not. That I'm going to experience things if I'm meant to. That my forever is a series of moments that make up my right now. That I've geniuely gotten more out of life with my temporary forevers, that some won't in forever...

That if I'm waiting on a story that will last forever, it still won't mean as much as the forever I'm already living right now.

That if it begins today or 5 years from now, it won't change it's worthiness. That we get so consumed in every other individuals story that we forget we can only live our own. That just because they are doing it differently doesn't mean they are doing it right... doesn't mean they are doing it wrong either... they are just doing. As you should just do....

That the only true ticking clock is the biological clock, & even that one has been adjusted by science.

That racing to forever won't make forever last any longer. Or make it any better.

That my forever might end tomorrow... and I'll still be fine with the forever I've lived.

That maybe some experiences aren't meant for you & others are.

That forever is forever for a reason, so just go with it....

that every second...makes up forever.

xoxo

Signs the girl accepting her right now.

Opinions

"Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one"...

I obviously always knew this, I'm lucky enough & blessed to be surrounded by a ton of amazing people, so I've heard my fair share of opinions. 

But I personally think, NO ONE gets the joy of hearing more opinions ::I hope you heard the sarcasm:: than a 29 (almost 30) year old single woman. Clearly just my perspective at the moment, as all things I write. 

But anywho, either I missed the memo, or 

A) Everyone is so full of wisdom & knowledge that they have it all figured out & I missed the forum 

B) Everyone knows what's best for me, & not me myself or anything

C) I'm such a lost puppy that needs all this guidance 

D) Everyone got their PHD in dating

::Hope you heard the sarcasm again::

Not to say I take these opinions negatively, don't get your panties in a bunch, BIH... BUT chill out people. You have it figured out as much as I do. No one will EVER...I repeat EVER know me more than I know myself. You might want the best for me & have the best intention at heart, but no one will EVER know what's best for me, more than I do. Same goes for you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. (well maybe my mom, she seems to be a true guru in most things)... 

Not that I'm expecting people to sit in silence during a conversation, by any means. Sharing thoughts & opinions with humans is healthy & necessary. But be mindful of your tone. Be careful not to share your opinion as fact or expertise. That doing so will only make me, not respect a single thing you're saying, so don't waste your breath. 

We're all in this planet trying to figure it out, & rest assure you haven't, none of us have. It's trail & error, all of life literally is. No matter what stage/phase or life you're in, you still have lessons to learn (by experiencing things), you still have plenty of life to live. Where you are today won't be where you are tomorrow & your opinions will change. So don't take yourself too serious. 

If there's one thing I've learned is that the universe is never done teaching us. That what we felt yesterday might not be the same days from today. That the universe has a funny, REALLY funny way of showing us just how off we are when we think we know the "right way" or the things we'd never ever do... I'll wait for it... 

So, don't let the sarcastic opinionated beast come out next time you're trying to figure my life out for me... Because I have an asshole too...

xoxo 

signs the girl that prays she doesn't suddenly become knower of all things... 

(BF)F?

Should your partner be your best friend?

I have mixed feelings about the topic. Parts of me automatically answer with, "hell F-ing absolutely, yes"...
...then other parts are like not necessarily...

Hear me out...

A partner is suppose to be a teammate, at least that's how I imagine it should be. A confidant that you go to at your lowest & highest moments. The person you geniuely want to share everything with. Which is beginning to sound a lot like a best friend. Someone that holds your secrets and holds you down whenever necessary.

I recently had a discussion about this & was surprised to hear the person say that this is absolutely untrue. That a good partnership does not need to mean best friends. That friend & partner should be two separate things. I was a bit taken aback. As our new age expectations in society has definitely made that statement entirely false.

But, then you take a minute to take it in and realize that this is exactly how things worked back in the day...you know... back when partnerships lasted... back when relationships didn't really end... was this because people weren't friends? They were solely partners..... ::insert shocked confused thought provoked emoji face::: Then I started thinking, maybe there's logic to this madness. Maybe expecting a best friend out of a partner shouldn't be on top of the list. That so many other qualities should trump this detail, which to some is very important ( please note I'm one of those "some"). That a best friend should be found among your friends, & a partner, well should be found within the person you're intimate with.

When you are surrounded by a lot of friends (like myself & the nameless person in this convo) you aren't truly craving that from anyone else. You get that in so many places that the need, want & desire to find it in ONE person seems unreal since each single person in your life fills that role in their own way. You wouldn't imagine life without every single one of them.

Not to say your partner is unimportant. I still think they will forever hold a higher pedestal than everyone else. a different type of bond... a relationship unparalleled to any other.

but maybe best friend isn't what we should be looking for...
or is it?

xoxo
signs the girl that always tries to see things from anothers perspective...

Too Invested...

Please note that whenever I write "as some of you may or may not know"... What I'm really saying is "allow me to reintroduce myself" ::jayz voice::... 

So... as some of you may or my not know I'm an emotional creature. I get overly involved and once I decide to give my energy to something it's full blown straight from the core of me, energy. That type of shit you feel from miles away. The type of shit that takes a little part of me each & every time. Which may explain why when things go awry, I don't fully know what to do with myself. Not right away at least. I'm basically left unaware of what to do with all the energy lost & all the energy I felt I had left to give.

This happens in many areas of my life- be it work, school, hobbies, love, friends... It's like once I make the conscience decision to give myself, I give sooo much. This might sound like it's not a real issue, but it's one of the biggest issues I'll ever have in life. The truth is, most things in life definitely shouldn't have that much of you. Some things in life don't deserve to take parts of you and give nothing in return. It's like investing in stock you know you're going to lose money in & still putting in 75% of your savings... It makes no sense...

BUT...

I continue to do it. I continuously pinpoint places, people, things and decide that I want to invest parts of my soul in it...

& months shy to 30, this soul giving girl...is TIRED...... TIE-Errrd....  It's like I've officially depleted my energy. Like I've officially reached that point where I'm like...nahh Fuck ya...all of ya...every single one of ya... I don't want to hear about your goals, I don't want to know your work problems, I don't want to answer your drunk phone calls, I don't want to hear how your weekend went, I don't want to be your personal comedian, I don't want to pick you up when you're down, I don't want to entertain you when you're down., I don't want to go to every happy hour with you, I don't want to be this hyper active ball of energy, I don't want to hear about your diet plan, I don't want to shop with you, I don't want to GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE....

wuu saa... Excuse the rant.. simply how I'm feeling today. Tomorrow might be a different story. Just know if you're reading this, I mean YOU too..

xoxo
signs the girl sick & tired of being sick & tired...

More Rants about Dating...

Who freaking knew I was no good at this...

Getting along with people was never difficult for me. People gravitate to my energy fairly easily & quickly. I like to keep my energy welcoming and light. Even when I'm quiet people tend to know I'm alright to be around. I'm simply not the type of person that gets lost in the background, People remember I was there and for some reason want me there again the next time. 

You'd think dating would be a breeze for me, that meeting a genuine potential would be easy as pie (clearly whoever made that phrase up never made pie)... turns out dating is as difficult as making pie actually is. 

I get turned off easily, I get attached easily, I overthink, I'm emotionally awkward, I have commitment issues, ::whispers:: I'm a bit tainted (thank you all fuckboys from 2012-2016) .... 

I'm 29.5 years old and I'm not sure how this is really suppose to work... (or at least I'm not like 75% of society that swears they somehow have it all figured out)...

No two experiences are the same, but patterns within yourself do in fact exist. Even so, what didn't work for one person might work for another. It's not always a matter of what you're doing wrong, but simply about a connection not being there. If it didn't work out with one person, it's because it wasn't suppose to work out with that person (I might get this tattooed on me, because when it comes to that I'm the most stubborn creature on earth...because OBVI, if I want something to work out, it has to... because I said so...) 

Any who, that's neither here nor there... 

The truth is... I'm no good at this at all, this whole dating thing. This whole trying to figure out a complete stranger while learning about yourself in the process. This not knowing a person enough to decipher what they might really mean. This beginning awkward stages where you question everything & anything...while trying to put your best foot forward, while still trying to figure out how slowly or quickly to chip down your wall. 

Accepting the "oh shit" moment, that you realize you're actually attempting to let someone else in... and you remember what happened last time you did that................Look how well that turned out.... ::insert psychotic smile:: 

I'm an overthinker by nature, the concept of going with the flow is me paddling like a mad woman either with the current or against it. No in between...

so this is me again... trying to shut myself up... and learning to let go...

because, babygirl.....you have to...

xoxo 

signs the girl trying to date quietly. 

Interview Process... for a date

Sooo I decided to give the online dating world a try, (again). I can't say it's been unsuccessful in the past, I just don't think I ever geniuely gave it an honest try. Being on a site for 1 week, not meeting anyone in person & then deactivating the account, doesn't entirely count as an honest try.

Can't lie this online stuff can be very overwhelming, it's a lot at once, especially if your selfie game is as strong as mine ;) . It's almost like speed dating on crack.

You're basically the CEO of your corporation (your heart) and you're interviewing someone to be the right hand man of your life, with zero experience. Online dating is the equivalent of  posting the position on a job search engine & resumes are coming left and right. The interview process is tedious and has various levels, (everyone has different variations of what these levels are). You meet such a variation of people, some you like instantly and others you instantly don't like. & sometimes you see people that seem like the perfect candidate but that doesn't mean they'll accept the position or offer... Or they do & then quit before their first direct deposit check even hits. It's a lot!

I use to say "I don't date a lot", but I realized I've probably dated more than a lot of people I know. I've been single for well over 3 years now, and not single in the sense that I haven't entertained anyone at all, but, single in the sense that I've had a few misses, nothing official & nothing that has stuck. (well not in the right ways at least) & I'm ready to rest my pimp hat and "settle" down. This isn't the first time I've said this in the last 3 years, If you know me well enough you know every now & again, I sing the same tune... BUT, I'm serious this time. I'm ready for that annoying person who I tell everything to. Someone to take to double dates, someone to actually meet my family & friends... I want alllll of it. Even the bad parts...meeeehh

But, like most things in life, you can't wave your magic wand. It's a process, one that happens naturally & organically regardless how you meet this person.  You can't force anything, especiallllly not this.

But I'm continuing this interview process & seeing where it takes me... one emoji at a time. Stay tuned for future bae...

xoxo
signs the girl who's hiring...