Private Friends

In a world that has become so public, very little is completely private.

As you may or may not know, I'm quite a public person. I love sharing life with everyone that's in mine. I share the good moments and the people I love most. I've always been this way. I enjoy shouting from the mountain tops when I love my friends & family deeply. Until I had to learn that very few people are like me. That most people don't wear their heart on their sleeves and dedicate paragraphs to their friends. That some people prefer to love you privately, fully.

I guess growing up with a dad like mine, I should have learned this lesson early on in life. Papi loves deeply, but not always visibly. As much as you question his heart, you could never question his loyalty.

It makes sense why I attract so many people that are very much like him. My girl best friend barely post pictures of herself, much less me. My guy best friend. most people think we don't even talk. You wouldn't think my ex even liked me (or anyone) unless you spent enough time with him.

& a select other friends...

Not to say this is easy. It was a learning curve, one I only embraced NOW after all these years. It took a lot of crying, not understanding and acceptance. Accepting that how someone feels isn't necessarily for everyone else to see. That for something to be genuine, it doesn't require a witness. That you shouldn't question anyone who's consistently there, based on assumptions made by others on observations made in public. How something looks in public doesn't necessarily define it's substance (both in good & bad lights). In a world that has become so public... accepting that something is better in private seems hard to comprehend.

I've learned that sometimes people aren't hiding me, they are simply embracing me in private.

(Then there are those other people, just hiding me lol)

xoxo,
signs the girl embracing her private friends, you know who you are.

Friend Break ups.

We all read about love & relationships... especially heart breaks & break ups. But one thing we don't hear about often, is Friend Break ups. & from my experience in life, those often have a bigger impact than any relationship.

The older we get the more we lose people along the way. Some just with the passing of time and others in ugly bitter ways. I must say I've been blessed in the friend department. I have a solid group of people I am very close to and also a bunch of individuals who I'm close enough to. This doesn't mean I haven't lost people along the way, because I have. Plenty.

But we all have that one friend break up that practically broke us. At least I think we all have, & if you haven't, stay blessed. You don't know the void losing a friend creates. From time to time you look back and think of where you went wrong along the way. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth in knowing that someone you were once so close to and claimed a forever with, suddenly is a stranger. A bond much different than an intimate partner, it's like a sister or brother you picked.

Mami always told me "amigo, como un peso en el bolsillo"... basically saying friends are like a dollar in your pocket, it's gone quite easily. I always refused to listen as I hold all my friendships so near and dear.

Until that one break up. That one that change my perspective of all friendships. Made me reevaluate myself and those around me. It broke me down. It created a sadness and void bigger than most break ups. I lost what I thought was a forever friend.

Obviously with time you get over everything & I did. But can't lie from time to time I think about it. About the good parts. Facebook doesn't help with it's new memory feature. Simply to constantly remind you how different things once were. But no need in dwelling...

But I just wish more people would acknowledge friend break ups. Because they hurt... sometimes worst than any other kind...

xoxo
Signs the girl that's been there.

Group Chats

It's like everyone woke up one morning and decided one on one texting wasn't necessary anymore... let's make a group chat instead.

(maybe we all secretly missed the days of AOL chatrooms) 

I don't know when, how are why it started... I just know that I'm involved in one too many. Me & the rest of the world. It can become quite overwhelming (I have a few on mute) and usually the conversations hold nothing of substance. A whole lot of ranting, photo sharing & plans that never actually happen.

Group chats (along with most social media platforms) give you the false sense of true bond. You practically chat with these people on a daily basis... but the question was brought up to me the other day which made me pause for a bit...

"Would you talk to everyone involved in the group chat, if it weren't for the chat"...

for some of my chats, the honest answer would be, NO...

and at the moment, I blew my own mind. I'm entertaining a whole lot of people that I wouldn't naturally do so. How honest & healthy is that to my day to day life. For a second I wanted to exit every chat (obviously I didn't, I might miss out on a good meme)...

What it did was make me realize that some friendships these days are falsely held together by group chats & internet likes. Some "friendships" have absolutely no substance. I have some friends that I don't remember the last time I "private message" them outside of the chat. Then I have other friends that I one on one text often (not necessarily daily) and they are more aware of what's happening in my life than any group chat, you know like people use to do, back in the day. (I even have friends that I facetime & call ::gasp:: how ancient of me)...

So why am I even talking to some of y'all??

It left me wondering & asking you the question... if you left all your group chats right now... who would you still text?

xoxo
signs the girl figuring out who matters.

Oh, it's February?

Valentines Day is rapidly approaching, that holiday some of us try to forget, some actually forget, and others start mentioning since January 2nd. It's that holiday that serves as a special day to show those you love, that you truly care...

& reminding those that don't have a significant other...well that you're single and people care for you... just not quite LIKE THAT.

I think I've ALWAYS cared about valentines day. As commercialized and overrated as it is as a holiday, I'm a holiday person, so no holiday gets left behind. It's just a little different when you don't have someone to celebrate it with. You're left trying to figure out if you should make a big deal and make it a huge singles night out... or if you should stay home & wallow in where things went left in life. (Not to mention this year it's a 3 day weekend...)

A day in which you have to avoid the internet. It's a mix of bitter singles bashing couples, a group of people ranting about the commercialized holiday, and sweet couples over posting their play by play of gifts & date. All in all , a total drag...

I'd like to think I'm none of the above, I just happen to be a single girl that loves the holiday and has no one special to share it with (unless I find someone between now & then... 12 days lol, it's happened before)... I don't bash couples or side eye people celebrating... I simply embrace that oh, it's February... and there's that.

But can't help from time to time to think about chocolates, flowers & love...

xoxo
signs the girl remembering it's February.

But, is he Pretty...

I received a semi casual non-invasive lecture this weekend...

About Relationships...

Nothing new, but for the first time it actually clicked... You hear it often "the way someone looks physically shouldn't be a major factor in choosing a life partner"... You hear it, but sometimes you don't listen... you're like ehhh no, how someone physically looks has everything to do with how far we get...

Then you hear what you just said & reconsider. You then start to wonder, if you are in fact "shallow"...

I never considered myself a shallow person, I just give very limited people the time of day. Either I like you or I don't... no real gray area. I guess I didn't consider myself shallow because it's not all physical, it's more about an energy to me. But then I realized I don't give people the chance to grow on me. I don't get to know someone to then decide how I feel. If I don't feel it from the very beginning I don't even try to figure it out from there. Which only means I'm very selective and closed off with that energy.

Has it worked out for me? Not at all as you can see. My approach hasn't exactly landed me in a long lasting fulfilling partnership... So maybe it's my approach I have to change. Maybe I should stop going for my "type" and go with what works best.

Not necessarily settling, but broadening my horizons, throwing a bigger net... Being more receptive of positive encounters.

Pretty much I might give people a shot, that I might not have wanted to originally...

I have to stop asking myself if he's pretty, because pretty won't fill my soul...

Let's see where that takes me... stay tuned for those adventures...

xoxo
signs the girl changing her approach.

Drunk Text

I've written about this before... but it's such a prominent part of my being that I definitely have to bring it up again.

Hi, I'm Eliztalks & I'm a drunk texter. 

The first part is admitting you have a problem... & I, my friends...have a real problem. It's like the second my blood stream feels the tingle of alcohol. My brain decides I need to reach out to people.. sometimes entirely random people, other times people I really shouldn't be reaching out to. I don't even know what triggers it, or how drunk me decides what to say and who to say it to.

Given, some conversations are entirely innocent, very casual, the type of conversation people wouldn't even realize I was drunk.

Then you have the next level of conversation... The I'm going to tell you just about everything I ever felt the need to say, but know better than to say it sober, so let me say it now drunk. The type of text you regret in the morning. The type of people you shouldn't be reaching out to. The type of people you've erased from your life & contact list but still manage to find & hit send. (I've done some impressive things to find an erased number or find the way to contact someone. CLEARLY drunk me is persistent..) 

I'm infamous for this. Any given drunken  night I decide someone needs to be contacted. To the point that some people are extremely use to it by now. Then you have the other people that don't know what to make of it. New to the Eliz drunk game. People that don't know if to take me serious or click ignore.

I mean... I guess I'm not even sure the answer to that question. 75% of the time sober me is fully aware of why I would do it, but then there's parts of me that really has no idea what triggered it. My intention is never to confuse people, or to make them look too deep into shallow waters. I just like to communicate my sentiments even when I'm incoherent of the very moment.

I guess I don't fully get it. I apologize to those I'm bothering & I'm grateful for those that calmly reply from the other side.

Will I ever stop? I guess maybe, one day eventually... for now...

Hola Bebe ;)
(did I mention, I'm the sweetest, sweetest drunk...) 

xoxo
Signs the drunk texter....

Splitting the Tab

Since we're in the year 2016...and not 1950 the rules of dating have changed quite a bit. The expectations, overall dynamics, "rules & regulations" I guess you can say, are just different, not that I know what dating was like in 1950, but let's just assume entirely different.

But I'm not here to discuss all the ins & outs of modern day dating...

I want to discuss one tiny part, this phenomenon that seems to erupt controversy among all my groups of friends (male & female alike)..

Splitting the Tab... (going dutch)

growing up a Latina from the heights a certain "standard" was set by my family. One in which you basically saw the man as the sole financial provider (even while a woman worked in the household). Obviously my mom was very adamant about us not depending on a man for much of anything, except possibly procreating (refer to this post to get a clearer picture)... Sooo to an extent I basically have mix feelings about dating and what we expect from men, on one hand what we know & saw was a man fully providing... but what we were taught, is that if you can do it yourself...do it...

So, you can see how this becomes an issue with dating in 2016 (or 2015, yet to have a date in 2016 to tell you how it went)... I'm torn between should I have this man that i'm just getting to know fully provide & pay for things, or should I be macho woman and let him know I got mine & could handle it? What kind of tone am I setting by doing either or. We somehow have created this belief that like dogs, you can train a man (and I agree lol) so we assume that if we treat your new dog bad habits, like not paying...you will forever deal with this. But, how true is that? How fair is that?

It's a toss up. I've found myself on various ends of this,
the side were a man provides even the tissue you use to blow your nose,
to the man that expects you to buy his tissue and your own...
to the man that ask you to go half on that said tissue.

Which way is the right way?... my honest opinion... from my heart, who cares about this tissue, do I like this guy?!...
The logical side of me says splitting for a tissue that you're using really isn't that bad...
Run away from the guy making you buy his tissue... and thanks to Mom, be weary of the guy buying you everything...including a tissue.

So as you can see I'm left with absolutely no conclusion to this or answer..

what the heck do I know, and what the heck do ANY OF YOU actually know? lol...

do what you want...

xoxo
signs the girl taking it as it comes...