This might not make sense to everyone since it was a personal letter to a friend.... to others it might make complete sense because it might feel like a letter to you... (edits were made for the privacy of my friend...)
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Where to begin...
First, I'm a believer that our spirituality adjust our energy. I've been slacking in my Sunday mass, so I know it's time I get back to it. Thank you for the scriptures, I will review them further and really take them in. I think in writing & reading others encouraging words, we find extreme comfort, that includes the bible.
If nothing else on this earth I try my best to give my good energy where I see fit. Not everyone deserves it (as they say), but I share it, as I see fit, where I see fit.
I completely took in your entire Spanish email. & like I stated, it felt like I wrote it to myself.
"cuando paso este cambio donde ya no me siento fuerte/independiente/co
I snapped my fingers & said...uhhhhmmm, ::tired black woman tone::. I feel every word of that. It's like we fell and have yet to fully get up. I know the feeling of all the mierda at once feeling, & I too don't think I've fully recovered "the fire" (that's how i referred to that part of my life) It's as if ever since then, we've been recuperating but have become a different version of ourselves, a version we aren't particularly fond of. It's almost like we liked ourselves better before, & aren't big fans of who we are or where we are today. I think we had really high expectations before of where we would be in life today & haven't quite come remotely close.
I think you have lost hope of the fairy-tale simply because the reality is so bleak. I guess you have to remember that it's not a fairytale for anyone, everyone just has a small version of their happiness. Small doses & instances where things are ok & you're happy. I've begun to comprehend that happiness doesn't come all at once & perfect doesn't mean every thing is right, but that we have certain things that are pretty perfect. Don't give up hope on Love...in the end HOPE is all we have, HOPE is what keeps us moving, HOPE is what makes the bad moments bearable.
I think sometimes we get so caught up in how things aren't "how they should be", but who the fuck knows how things should actually be?? I'm not saying hang on to him forever, but hang on until you're ready to let go OR until things change. YOU & ONLY YOU, know when that time is. God brings people to our lives for a reason & I'm a believer of that. While he has a lot of downfalls, I don't think he's a bad guy, I don't like that you cry, but I also know a lot of times we make ourselves cry with our thoughts & expectations. So try to reevaluate what is really making you sad...
Breathe... Life isn't a race. You're living out some of your dreams. NOT perfect, but please tell me who's life is... so I can interview them. we all have our shitty parts, but I think we have to STOP highlighting that shit. We have to stop jotting down all the things that aren't how we want them to be... & if it bothers us THAT much, we have to begin changing them.. at least the things we know we can...
xoxoSigns your friend too...
x
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