Fake Ready

That awkward moment when you've been shouting how ready you are... then you find yourself making excuses...

Not quite able to pinpoint what's holding you back.

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So 48 hours ago, I was raving about my new adventure. Telling everyone how excited I was to meet new people and give the virtual world a shot.

Who the heck was I fooling? 

Ohh...you believed me? 

sorry...

When I meant the virtual world, apparently I meant ONLY the virtual world.
The minute "Lets meet up" is brought up, my interest starts to go down. As if it's all fun & games virtually, but when shit gets real, I run in a frantic panic.

What. The. Heck. am I so scared of?!

What's the worst that can happen-

• I get molested (obviously) 
• I fall in love then get left with 4 children
• I get killed in torturous fashion
• He's disgusting and I keep looking at the watch 
• He's amazing, but not quite into me
• He falls in love and I fake a relationship for a year or so

• Or we talk for some months & he randomly says he's not looking for anything serious....................
• etc...etc...etc

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Or maybe it works out, but I wouldn't know until I try... right? 

Truth is I might never be ready until I take that leap, BUT as I take that jump I have to be aware that things are not always going to magically work out. That I might go through some things in the process. That clearly I still have a lot left to learn. That I have to figure myself out before I try to decipher anyone else. That I shouldn't rush into anything, but I shouldn't go at snail pace. That with every every every single hurdle I've been through in my life, I've manage to come out alive and well...and I'll likely survive what's to come (unless I'm dead, thennn yeah I'm dead)... 

I've become way too cautious & find myself in a good place mentally & emotionally... so risking this current peace of mind is scary, because I know what the other end looks like... But I was never one to conform to comforts. I was never one to take the easy route out of fear... So just give me a little bit, while I close my eyes say a little prayer...& prepare to take this leap outside of the safe space I've created only trapping myself.... 

Eliz will make a comeback... just please hold while I breathe heavily in a panic...

xoxo

-Signs the girl that's possibly just a little bit scared...