Happy Endings...

After a few years walking on this road called life, it often becomes difficult to geniuely believe in happy endings. We see things repeatedly end in our own lives and with those around us. Certain things we never saw coming and others were expected. All in All, forever seems to become more and more rare.

While tainted, I'm still not phased by this reality. Somehow, some way, I still believe in happy endings. I still somehow go into things hopeful of the promise of longevity. I still believe in forever.
This might make me a dreamer or naive, but it's me. I believe in the ability of things working out. Maybe not smoothly, maybe not exactly as planned, & definitely not easily... but that they work. They take work, but they work.

It's difficult in the year 2016 and at 30 years old to still believe. After you've experienced enough big endings, beginnings become difficult and middles shaky & rare. Starting something, anything, comes filled with hesitation, fear and a sense of unwillingness to try. Not wanting to go through the motions of yet another end. Almost like before something even starts you have decided it likely won't work, regardless how good it feels. I think sometimes we anticipate the end, in hopes that if we plan & expect for it, it won't feel as bad.

So when I say I'm not phased, it doesn't mean I jump head first. It just means I still believe, no matter how long it takes me dipping my toes in the water to check if it's warm enough. I still go in, in hopes that these waters run deep like the ocean, not a rapid river that might kill me, and not a puddle with no sense of depth. I still believe in happy endings...

Only to realize I should stop to think of them as happy...endings... but as one continuous series of beginnings. A story with many chapters. Something filled with layers & layers of what make something worth telling. A mix of good, bad, sad, life changing, new, old..happy...

xoxo

signs the girl hopeful on forever...