WTF...

I'm having a real, WTF moment...
I've managed to truly mind fugz myself this time.

you see...
I.
Like most children (of  age 28), when told NO, it makes me want MORE.
Most people grow out of this phase.
I have discovered that I've simply mastered the art.
I take it up as a challenge, & go head on, do not surrender until I'm satisfied with the new YES...

Bruhhh... It's dumb, exhausting & quite childish.

But.

Somehow...

I can't stop.

Literally,

I physically

CAN.NOT.STOP!

I've ran out of excuses for myself. I've ran out of reasons why I do it, or the true purpose. I've pretty much surrendered to myself and my insane antics. I thought for a second that I had developed the ability to know "what I deserve" (I dislike the phrase, because who the F am I? lol)... but yes, I guess I haven't exactly learned & have a few lessons I need repeat courses in.

I guess I'm stubborn, I guess I like things that are complicated. I like things that make me question myself. I like not being given things on a golden platter, because so much of my life I've been granted so much. Maybe I like struggle, I like the feeling of putting in work...

or maybe..

I'm just emotionally DUMB. At least my heart is. My brain is well aware of the nonsense.
well. aware...

I have never given myself this many pep talks, this many sit downs with myself to gather my thoughts & my "next steps"... only to laugh at myself soon after like "B***H you thoughhttt"...

In conclusion...

WTF?!


XoXo
-signs the girl that needs a prayer lol...