Insanity...

And just like that you have consumed me,
it didn’t take much
no matter how sure I was of this wall I built,
you simply showed up & even before you knocked
I opened the door wondering what took you so long

I want to dream with a dreamer
I want to love with the only lover I know
But all these things are of no use
if you don’t see what I see
Or even feel what I feel
I dream of an us that only can be deciphered in my subconscious

I know you know what my heart feels so I should simply stop asking
You know how much of me you have
So I should just accept that nothing will change,
This cycle
This routine
This never ending story
Is one which we keep repeating but we will never find a fairytale ending,
Just a psychological diagnoses
In which the study of insanity is demonstrated
The ability to continue to do something over & over & over again
& expect that somehow things will change,
Expect that the results will be different
When in reality we know this story better than anyone
& we know it’s not a fairytale, far from it

It’s a story with no end,
It’s a story where two confused characters try to understand why they continue to cross paths,
It’s a story in which a fairytale ending is never expected,
But always hoped for
As if something changed in the course of time, that would make it possible
But truth is, nothing ever does…
You are still you, and me..
I am still me
& while these two major factors don’t change, then our story won’t either

Year by year we will continue to tell it
We will continue to look at the possibility of this reality that isn’t quite real,
But as real as anything in the world could ever be.

So many steps forward
Simply to turn right back
As if the simple fear of reaching such distances too far out of reach of you
Terrify me

As if I purposely build this wall & make sure it’s at viewing distance,
So if you ever forget,
There will be a reminder not too far away for you to see.
That I will always be standing here, giving you all of me…

Hoping my insanity will one day cease into a happily ever after…
That you won’t see…
But knowing these voices in my head have become a part of me
& that a life without you in it will cause a sanity too far from my reality that it’s insane to me

 That no one will ever understand this story, no matter how much I tell it
But I have come up with a cure to this insanity
To hold my heart down with a straight jacket,

...but with you in it.