Who's Texting us?

If evaluated, I'm sure I'd be diagnosed with having an unhealthy obsession with my phone. From the excessive usage of various social media platforms, to the over capacity of group chats, to plain ol' face-timing and texting people 24/7...

I live with my phone, eat with it, sleep with it, commute with it, work with it... I'm basically in a partnership with it.

Therefore someone using my phone is a very touchy situation, giving someone my pass-code is a milestone...

If I've given it to you before, chances are I changed it soon after. 

Not that I have an excessive amount of top secret information, or a large array of things I'm hiding... it's simply that if my phone could talk, it will basically reveal all the secrets of my soul...

so yes, maybe I do have an excessive amount of top secret information, or possibly a large array of things I'm hiding... BUT, that's my prerogative.  The thought of someone reading all my emails, all my text messages, all my notes, seeing all my pictures, viewing my online search history... makes me a little uncomfortable.

Therefore... the thought of going through someones phone isn't really on the top of things I do... YES I have a creep eye problem AKA I will ALWAYS look over to your phone while you're texting to see "who's texting us", NO matter what type of relationship we have (meaning even if you're a stranger on the train, I'm looking)...

But the reality is, no matter whose phone you look through...you're going to find something that might bother you, even if it's just people commenting about you in a group chat...
and other times, you're REALLY going to see things you won't like,
like someone texting someone they told you they weren't texting anymore ( I dare you to go check...jk jk). The reality of it is, we all have a personal relationship with our phones... we're not necessarily hiding anything, but maybe the way we talk to someone won't be fully understood (okay, or maybe you shouldn't be texting that person that way...)

Someone giving you their passcode is a BIG DEAL these days, like one step closer to marriage proposal. I know my phone etiquette can cater to insecurities, because I won't share, even if I'm just taking buzzfeed surveys...

all in all, Don't look for shit you don't really want to find... there will always be something that's going to bother you no matter how innocent...

so next time you ask Who's texting us? Remember Jose Rodriguez might be Janet Sanchez so asking won't change shit...

xoxo
signs the girl that just made you want to look through someones phone...

Stop Blaming Her...

She's lame, fat , ugly , has no style, 

She's wack ... 

Just some of the initial reactions of women when they see that their lover, ex, eye candy, side ninja, crush, or "friend"... starts dating (or cheated on you with, left you for, picked over you) another girl. (even when you don't even care for the guy)

As if...the girl is to blame,
As if... she's the one that owed you something, or did something to you. (Even if she's a side chic that knew about you, she owes you nothing, she simply doesn't respect you, but he sure doesn't either...but yeah, as women we should unite, yada yada yada :::insert all that other stuff you'd prefer I say instead:::)

It's an almost automatic reaction to bash the new girl, somehow making her the one to blame for everything. When most of the time we know nothing about the girl, except the bits and pieces we find out through social media stalking, or old school word of mouth.
As if... we all entered some contest and she won and you're discrediting her for her "achievement". As if...you're doing it to boost your own self esteem, because let's face it, you didn't "win", you weren't "picked"... She was.

So why do we do it? Trust me, I do it all the time, until I catch myself. Until I realize it's never a contest, and 95% of the time, the "prize" ain't worth a nickle. But we do it anyway. We continuously nitpick the next girl, call her a downgrade, jot down all the ways you're better,

As if... that makes a difference..
As if...you're reassuring yourself that you were the better pick.

As if... you were being drafted for the NBA & she got the team & contract you wanted.

Reality is... SHE DIDN'T...
this wasn't your season, or your team, or your contract. Maybe she offered something to the team you didn't... NO, matter of fact is that she offered something to the team that you didn't. Not that she's better, just different...

Stop questioning yourself, stop trying to figure it out. There's no one to blame, not you, not her, not him... It's a question that has no answer. It's something that can not be explained.

So stop blaming her.

xoxo
signs the girl that is to blame, was to blame, will be to blame, has been blamed or blaming...
HER...

I think it, therefore it happens...

The universe & our thoughts, are quite the powerful force. So much so, we speak things into existence.

I've experienced this first hand. The power of throwing things out to the universe, then receiving it. (Even the bad.) I can't help but to chuckle, when I realize

"Ohh..., this is exactly what I asked for and/or wanted... so why you mad, bruh??"... 

Like most humans, I then complain about it, highlight all the things that are wrong with it, or all the reasons why it's NOT what I wanted. When...it's exactly what I said I did. Who knew, that after all this self reflection I would be so out of touch with what I really need in my life. OR I know exactly what I should be wanting and go with everything else instead. (Or I'm stubborn and never want to fully accept the good)

Not that I'm going around making bad decisions left & right, or making impulsive life changing choices. In fact, I avoid making those these days. I went through a phase, it lasted about 10 years or so (light work), in which my coin phrase was "I DO WHAT I WANT" & I did, in fact, do every single thing I wanted with no regard to the consequences... It was a mix of immaturity, with a dab of entitlement and a sprinkle of no fucks given.

It was only after, that I realized, the problem was not only the decisions I was making but also everything I was requesting from the universe. (Literally I'd pick all the things on the "universe menu" that would make me throw up)...

I'm finally being cautious not only with my actions, but my desires as well. A work in progress always, but something I'm taking very serious. My thoughts are hella' powerful (so are yours). I keep mentally connecting with a lot of the wrong energy & it's doing nothing for me. So I'm working with accepting the things I've wanted, while embracing those I thought I didn't...but need...

BUT, like always... ask me again next week...

xoxo
Signs the girl being mindful of her thoughts...

Balancing Energy...

I use to argue with my mom about this...

About her unavoidable ability to let everyone into her heart with open arms.
Her ability to embrace everyone and make them feel right at home within her presence.
Her unique way of making anyone and everyone feel like they belonged and held a special place within her heart...

Because they did...
They all some how did. 

Use to argue with her because it took a toll on her, every ones pain became hers, every ones struggle was now hers...
it's impossible for one heart to take that all in.

As humans we are barely able to withstand our own burdens, much less the ability to carry every ones cross on our back... 

then, I realized I became her.

sharing my heart & energy to it's fullest capacity, giving the most of me in all directions. Even in places it was clear I shouldn't. Even in instances where it would take a toll on me, even in instances where I knew I would end up losing...

I take everyone in...

Once you have merely caressed the surface of my heart, the warmth of it will engulf you. 

It's a force greater than me, my inability to fully turn my back on anyone. My want & desire to close people out, to take several step backs and care from a distance.

I've been working on it. But my energy is so immense that dimming the light for my own sake is immediately noticed. That lowering the window feels like I'm shutting the door...
But I'm not..

I'm simply learning to protect my energy. I'm learning that while our hearts do not have a capacity limit, our energy does. If we're busy giving everyone the best of us, we have little to offer ourselves. We cheat ourselves of our greatness. When you're busy letting everyone in, you take little notice of what you're losing in the process. You feel your heart is full, when essentially...it isn't.

They don't even notice how comfortable they get within you, they just know they somehow always want to stay...

I use to argue with her...
But I get it now, it's an uncontrollable desire to emotionally embrace even the seemingly undeserving...

xoxo
Signs the girl balancing her energy

Convenient Forgetfulness.

As a person with HORRID memory, I guess I can see how some people forget things...

But, it's still a little awkward when you encounter individuals with "Convenient Forgetfulness".
When someone forgets certain details & facts for the sole purpose of making:

1. Their story look better 
2. Make themselves feel better about a situation
3. To make an invalid point to contradict someone elses story. 

The list can really go on & on. The reasons why it's done is in fact endless, & I get it. I get why all these things are important to some people, why sometimes we lie to ourselves so much that we start forgetting factual pieces of a story. Why, when things fall into place and you're in a better place, you rather NOT highlight all the other details.

& That's ABSOLUTELY FINE. 

We shouldn't live in the past anyway, we shouldn't let all those experiences fog our future & present.

BUT...
Let me tell you when it stops being...fine...
when you use your edited version to make yourself look better in comparison & when you try to retell the story to someone who was there & experienced it.
Given, all situations will always appear different based on your perspective. How people view things will never fully align, it's the nature of the beast.
But sometimes, from time to time it's flooring how different the same situation can look from different angles. Almost like an optic illusion of sorts. One we sometimes create for ourselves.

It seems as if it's a human trait to edit how things happened to make ourselves or our story just flow better. But when does it stop being just pure forgetfulness and just total illusion?

I.Am.Not.Perfect. I'm quite sure in my own head I've probably altered a story or two, but rest assure, I own up to my dumb shit, each.and.every, time.
Know, that I am not embarrassed by the decisions I make.
How my life looks in comparison to someone else, means jackshit to me.

but don't listen to me...
I'm a single girl who's a walking contradiction.

Deuces
-Signs the girl tired of peoples shit.