Drunk Text

I've written about this before... but it's such a prominent part of my being that I definitely have to bring it up again.

Hi, I'm Eliztalks & I'm a drunk texter. 

The first part is admitting you have a problem... & I, my friends...have a real problem. It's like the second my blood stream feels the tingle of alcohol. My brain decides I need to reach out to people.. sometimes entirely random people, other times people I really shouldn't be reaching out to. I don't even know what triggers it, or how drunk me decides what to say and who to say it to.

Given, some conversations are entirely innocent, very casual, the type of conversation people wouldn't even realize I was drunk.

Then you have the next level of conversation... The I'm going to tell you just about everything I ever felt the need to say, but know better than to say it sober, so let me say it now drunk. The type of text you regret in the morning. The type of people you shouldn't be reaching out to. The type of people you've erased from your life & contact list but still manage to find & hit send. (I've done some impressive things to find an erased number or find the way to contact someone. CLEARLY drunk me is persistent..) 

I'm infamous for this. Any given drunken  night I decide someone needs to be contacted. To the point that some people are extremely use to it by now. Then you have the other people that don't know what to make of it. New to the Eliz drunk game. People that don't know if to take me serious or click ignore.

I mean... I guess I'm not even sure the answer to that question. 75% of the time sober me is fully aware of why I would do it, but then there's parts of me that really has no idea what triggered it. My intention is never to confuse people, or to make them look too deep into shallow waters. I just like to communicate my sentiments even when I'm incoherent of the very moment.

I guess I don't fully get it. I apologize to those I'm bothering & I'm grateful for those that calmly reply from the other side.

Will I ever stop? I guess maybe, one day eventually... for now...

Hola Bebe ;)
(did I mention, I'm the sweetest, sweetest drunk...) 

xoxo
Signs the drunk texter....

Splitting the Tab

Since we're in the year 2016...and not 1950 the rules of dating have changed quite a bit. The expectations, overall dynamics, "rules & regulations" I guess you can say, are just different, not that I know what dating was like in 1950, but let's just assume entirely different.

But I'm not here to discuss all the ins & outs of modern day dating...

I want to discuss one tiny part, this phenomenon that seems to erupt controversy among all my groups of friends (male & female alike)..

Splitting the Tab... (going dutch)

growing up a Latina from the heights a certain "standard" was set by my family. One in which you basically saw the man as the sole financial provider (even while a woman worked in the household). Obviously my mom was very adamant about us not depending on a man for much of anything, except possibly procreating (refer to this post to get a clearer picture)... Sooo to an extent I basically have mix feelings about dating and what we expect from men, on one hand what we know & saw was a man fully providing... but what we were taught, is that if you can do it yourself...do it...

So, you can see how this becomes an issue with dating in 2016 (or 2015, yet to have a date in 2016 to tell you how it went)... I'm torn between should I have this man that i'm just getting to know fully provide & pay for things, or should I be macho woman and let him know I got mine & could handle it? What kind of tone am I setting by doing either or. We somehow have created this belief that like dogs, you can train a man (and I agree lol) so we assume that if we treat your new dog bad habits, like not paying...you will forever deal with this. But, how true is that? How fair is that?

It's a toss up. I've found myself on various ends of this,
the side were a man provides even the tissue you use to blow your nose,
to the man that expects you to buy his tissue and your own...
to the man that ask you to go half on that said tissue.

Which way is the right way?... my honest opinion... from my heart, who cares about this tissue, do I like this guy?!...
The logical side of me says splitting for a tissue that you're using really isn't that bad...
Run away from the guy making you buy his tissue... and thanks to Mom, be weary of the guy buying you everything...including a tissue.

So as you can see I'm left with absolutely no conclusion to this or answer..

what the heck do I know, and what the heck do ANY OF YOU actually know? lol...

do what you want...

xoxo
signs the girl taking it as it comes...

Only on Camera...

It's fair to question everything you see on the internet these days. It almost seems like somewhere down the line we as a society decided that whatever we see on the internet has to be the full story & fact. As if the simple surface of something defines it's depth. As if layers and perspectives can't possibly exist, solely what we're seeing right there & then.

In fact sharing an opinion these days is shunned. You are almost instantly bashed, to the point where you likely prefer not to share one at all. Well, in some cases at least. Other people have taken all these new platforms to share their every opinion, even of the most insignificant things.  

No matter how much you try to not form opinions about people based on what they post on various platforms, we are only human, so naturally we do. At least to a certain extent. Basically we're guessing at the back story behind every image, every status. (& if you're sitting there saying you never have, go fly a kite, because you're a liar). 

But that's neither here nor there. That's a whole other beast within itself.

One of my concerns with social media these days, is that "only on camera" syndrome.

What do I mean by that, you may ask...
I mean... the whole concept of faking the funk for the camera
I mean... putting up a front so everyone sees all the good in your life
I mean... doing certain things, just so the masses could see
I mean... doing things solely for your 15 minutes...

I mean, having the picture perfect life... only on camera.

Giving people the wrong impression that they are somehow missing out in something in life, feeling like you missed a step because you're comparing someones best pictured moments, with your every day real life.

"Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes- with everyone else's highlight reel"- Steven Furtick

Say it one more time to yourself...

don't buy the hype that everyone's selling. Peoples intentions isn't always to sell an image, but we have all definitely become our own publicist these days and we sell a story via social media.

I mean, who wants to put up all the shitty mundane moments... Who even wants to see that really?...

It wouldn't be that bad if attached to every post there wasn't also a back story that doesn't always match. If you knew the tears behind some smiles and the deception behind every obsession... we wouldn't glorify all the things we see, because of the things we don't see.

but that's just how I feel about it...that's why I'm writing about it here on the internet...


xoxo
Signs the girl that hates when stories don't add up...

Sticking around

One thing I've learn to accept, is that you truly just learn as you go. That certain life lessons definitely can't be skipped. That you can witness 10,000 things happening around you, but they won't "click" until it's happening to you.  

------

That intro didn't have much to do with what my topic but it's a good thing to know...

So, people (the internet) often tell you a variation of the following:

If someone loves you, they'll show you...

If they want you around, they'll keep you around 

Let them go if they come back it was meant for you...

Actions speak louder than words

etc (you can go ahead and add the ones you've heard)

I say...NOT ALWAYS.

I think we tend to forget that every single situation is so unique, that as humans we have various similarities but yet we're all so different.

I'm a believer in listening to your gut, because that's when you'll genuinely know if someone is about you. That the knot in your chest that is constantly telling you something isn't sitting right, is likely because...

IT'S.NOT.RIGHT.

Because if any of the above quotes were even remotely accurate (all the time) then I'm one lucky gal, because a whole lot of people are in love with me (they're not, I promise you they aren't).

Again every situation is different, but I think people stay in unhealthy situations because of sayings like the ones above.

People hold on to every bit of hope left even when they're well aware something isn't good for them, simply because
"oh they came back"... 
"he cares so much, he can't stay away"... 
"he hit me up again"

when the truth is, as humans sometimes we're shitty individuals and do shitty things, & as someone that has done some shitty things in my life... trust me, those things don't always mean someone cares (at least not the way you want them to). People do great things & come back around for a million reasons, they don't always mean, YOU.

you wouldn't really doubt someone that cares... you just know. 

People fuck up, yes. This is not to say to discredit someone immediately. I'm simply saying don't give a fucked up person, so much credit. Don't give meaning to every little detail only to validate your current situation.

if it isn't for you... it just isn't.

my opinion.

xoxo
signs the girl that is always learning...

Insanity...

And just like that you have consumed me,
it didn’t take much
no matter how sure I was of this wall I built,
you simply showed up & even before you knocked
I opened the door wondering what took you so long

I want to dream with a dreamer
I want to love with the only lover I know
But all these things are of no use
if you don’t see what I see
Or even feel what I feel
I dream of an us that only can be deciphered in my subconscious

I know you know what my heart feels so I should simply stop asking
You know how much of me you have
So I should just accept that nothing will change,
This cycle
This routine
This never ending story
Is one which we keep repeating but we will never find a fairytale ending,
Just a psychological diagnoses
In which the study of insanity is demonstrated
The ability to continue to do something over & over & over again
& expect that somehow things will change,
Expect that the results will be different
When in reality we know this story better than anyone
& we know it’s not a fairytale, far from it

It’s a story with no end,
It’s a story where two confused characters try to understand why they continue to cross paths,
It’s a story in which a fairytale ending is never expected,
But always hoped for
As if something changed in the course of time, that would make it possible
But truth is, nothing ever does…
You are still you, and me..
I am still me
& while these two major factors don’t change, then our story won’t either

Year by year we will continue to tell it
We will continue to look at the possibility of this reality that isn’t quite real,
But as real as anything in the world could ever be.

So many steps forward
Simply to turn right back
As if the simple fear of reaching such distances too far out of reach of you
Terrify me

As if I purposely build this wall & make sure it’s at viewing distance,
So if you ever forget,
There will be a reminder not too far away for you to see.
That I will always be standing here, giving you all of me…

Hoping my insanity will one day cease into a happily ever after…
That you won’t see…
But knowing these voices in my head have become a part of me
& that a life without you in it will cause a sanity too far from my reality that it’s insane to me

 That no one will ever understand this story, no matter how much I tell it
But I have come up with a cure to this insanity
To hold my heart down with a straight jacket,

...but with you in it.

Off the Record...

We all have secrets...

We all have a story...
We all have things in our past that make us who we are today.

I still remember the day we went "off the record". I didn't realize that it meant every component of what we were would go unrecorded, that every story would be a secret...that every detail would happen & vanish as if it didn't exist. I didn't know that it meant that I would be the only one who knew exactly what this was.

Off the record...

I didn't read the fine print... I didn't have my lawyer review the contract that I signed with my soul. I didn't know that "off the record" meant to play pretend. I didn't know it meant to leave no trace of what was, is and continues to be. I didn't know what we were recording to begin with. It was a story I was telling and never stopped to think who was watching...

Until too many people were.

Until the very essence of who WE were had to go unrecorded. Until being on the record caused an uneasiness that was silently understood.

Until I realized you were simply trying to erase me.

That the reality of me was too much to be documented.
That to have proof of me, would make me too real for you.
That my existence tarnishes a reality you've created for you
Forgetting the many inches of me that while off the record are well documented in your memory.

so let's set the record straight...

no matter how many parts of me you wish to keep off the record...
Know that the universe remembers everything
That to erase me would require to forget parts of you

That even off the record, this is the greatest undocumented story...

xoxo
signs me.

unbothered

You know when you mentally convince yourself that you're entirely cool with something. When you some how trick yourself into thinking you are unfazed & unbothered. But then the universe giggles and teaches you in more ways than one, how far from the truth that is. That sometimes no matter how much you try to speak things into existence, when it comes to our feelings there is nothing we can truly do to alter them, or alter our reactions.

Something that will affect us, will do so, no matter how hard we try otherwise.

It's become a new trend in social media to gloat about being unbothered. To state how insignificant the actions of others are, or the concept that what anyone else says means absolutely nothing.

Who are these super humans? 

Because I would like to be injected with these "unbothered juices". 

If there's one thing that's true about me it's that I do get bothered. Obviously the "who", determines how affected I actually am, but it's almost guaranteed that I'm always affected. It's not that I give everyone the power to alter my emotions, It's simply that human interactions are the very essence of my being.

The whole concept of we are born and die alone, is very untrue to me. Yes essentially you are your own "everything". But we live in a society where fundamentally you need a little of everyone to go by with day to day. So one thing does in fact have to do with the other. One persons action can and should affect you, to an extent. We feed off each others energy and unless you have a super wall I'm not aware of, I'm not sure how anyone does it.

But in the mean time, I'm going to look for that super wall & continue to act unbothered.

xoxo
signs the girl bothered by the unbothered.

Relationship Experts...

We all know them... those people that have been in 1.5 whole relationships in their lives, and somehow they know the answers to all your issues. 

Those people who assume that once they find the right person or just because they have found the "right person" (using the term loosely), they assume they miraculously started doing something right. Or that they somehow have the answers and key to success ::dj khaled voice:: . 

How a simple conversation among friends, has now turned into a judge-y motherly advice column. Simply because it happen to work out for them, NOW. So they want to share the knowledge, that they have somehow obtained from finding someone. 

Mostly forgetting you were there through it all, or most of it... and the reality of most situations is, some shit just so happens to work out...and others don't. It's rarely anything anyone did differently, it's a lot to do with chance & luck... & for lack of a better word...Fate. Rarely ever  anything anyone did too differently. Given, the people you choose has some say in how things will turn out, but once feelings are involved, it doesn't matter what type of person someone is, things will adjust to work out, if they are meant to. 

As much advice as we all like to give about dating, and relationships. The reality is, we can't predict human connection. We have no say in how things are going to really turn out. We don't know when we'll meet the right person or if we'll be ready when we do. We are constantly made to assume that our actions before meeting someone has an effect with what happens after meeting someone. When it's solely how you are in THAT relationship that effects THAT relationship...

BUT, look a me giving relationship advice. 

We all do it, we share based on our experiences, assuming that something we'll say will trigger a thought to someone else. But when it comes to life experiences you really can't exchange them and expect anyone to truly genuinely learn from it or get anything from it....because no two situations are ever alike, and all our stories were meant to be different. 

so let us all be different... & God Bless.

xoxo

signs the girl that isn't an expert. 

Stop being a friend...

As I was discussing/recapping 2015 with my lovely L.A. Lover. a series of interesting topics came up (please note 65% of my content is triggered by our conversations, shout out to you Leeny). 

Obviously our usual "how the fugz are we single, we're super dope"... followed by a reoccurring theme in both our lives. We are way too comfortable hanging out with guys, that we often treat the men we are romantically dating or interested in, the same way we treat our guy friends.

She was recently given the advice to stop that...

obviously this triggered a flow of thoughts...
how exactly do you stop being your comfortable self?
how do you alter your natural instinct of treating someone you're talking to like you would all your friends, as anything different?
how do you stop being a cool girl to chill with?

I have the luxury and the curse of having a lot of guy friends, guys that I could talk to about anything & everything. I pick their brains often on a plethora of topics. So through the years I've collected a great deal of information and also just naturally I'm comfortable with them, and they are comfortable with me.

But one thing I never ever learned is to be someone else with someone I'm interested in. I've obviously heard it before, I've been told "Hey Eliz, you can't talk to everyone like this"... but, then how else?

How do you miraculously put your girlfriend cap on  and stop being the cool girl, because apparently you can't be both.

Given, I've been in relationships before, long term relationships, a few of them. Not sure when I threw that girlfriend cap away. But I'm not the girl I use to be. AT.ALL.

I often take pride in knowing I'm so easy to get along with , that people in all walks of life enjoy my energy. I dig it that people think I'm dope enough to keep around.

But, apparently not dope enough for anything else... At least not with the people I've been interested in being anything else with, which in that case hasn't been many people, so I guess I should stop complaining. I guess instead of evaluating who I am so much, I should start looking at who I'm interested in. Maybe I'm such a good friend, because essentially these people were meant to be just that...friends...

I guess my girlfriend cap will come on when I'm ready to be that, with who I want to be that with.

For now... I'll be that girl that happens to be every ones friend.

xoxo
signs the girl with the friends...