Farewell & Hello

Here comes the new year...

There's always such an exhilarating feeling in the air as the new year approaches. It's so promising and full of hope. Almost as if we all get an extra boost of confidence in believing we can accomplish things we set out to. As if we have a blank canvas to start a new masterpiece on. As if it were not just a regular day or continuation of our mundane normalcy & routine.

It's an amazing feeling & I'm a believer of it. Not everyone gets this feeling constantly, so why take that away from them at this very moment.

Farewell to the old, Hello to the new...

I'm grateful for 2015. While it had its own mix of adventures and lessons learned (refer to my previous post).

It was very....normal...

Normal in the sense that it didn't tear me down, it didn't build me it, but it did something for me that the previous years haven't offered. It offered stability. It offered a feeling of normal, it offered a center I so yearned for in the last few years.

While I'm appreciative of it, I am ready for changes. I am ready to take some risk again, to take steps towards the things I wish to accomplish. But, I needed "normal" for a bit, and I got exactly that. I needed to firmly place my feet on solid grounds, right after I dug myself out the dirt. It's a good feeling. A good feeling to be here...

Here, with this blank canvas... with the ability to start a new masterpiece...

Me.

xoxo
signs the girl ready to paint the colors of my future...

Lessons Learned & other things... 2015 Edition

Like most people in the world, years end & a new year makes me very reflective. I like to recap my entire year and acknowledge all the things that made the year what it was.

As fast as the year goes & as uneventful as it may essentially feel, a lot happens in 

1 year- 12 months- 52 weeks- 365 days, 

but it's only fully grasped when we reflect on it. 

So, here is a miscellaneous list of my:

lessons learned 

(& other things)

2015 edition.  

(In no particular order, and be happy I'm not using any names).

1. Once you close a chapter, keep it closed, reopening a door won't change things. 
2. Mercury Retrograde is one REAL ASS MOTHERFUCKER.
3. Stop entertaining younger guys, you might be a fun 21 year old at heart, but you have experience way beyond your years...don't do it to yourself.
4. You can and are ready to live alone. It's not as bad as it seemed before, and turns out you enjoy your own company & solitude. 
5. You have commitment issues... work on those baby girl. 
6. Don't force anything! The people that want to be in your life... will be, no matter what you do. 
7. Some people don't have the best intentions for you, and their reason for keeping you around is selfish... don't let anyone use your energy that way. 
8. Just because they are reaching out for time to time, doesn't mean they care, some people like their ego stroked. 
9. If it doesn't feel right...it isn't. 
10. You know when your heart is fully in it, you're playing yourself if you think otherwise. 
11. Don't believe everything someone you care about says... people lie, everyone lies, it's what people do. 
12. People could have a laundry list of dumb shit they've done, but won't hesitate to judge you on your decisions, don't pay mind to them
13. Social media is a platform for oversharing, yet sharing a bunch of fake shit, don't believe the hype
14. People read your twitter, even those people NOT following you, know that & be cautious with what you're putting out there. 
15. Your positive energy is very solicited. So know that people that walk away, usually come back... don't always let them.
16. If he likes you, he'll be with you. If he's not with you, he doesn't like you. Simple. 
17. Stop expecting girlfriend treatment, if you're not the girlfriend. 
18. He will always pick his girlfriend.
19. Online dating isn't for everyone. 
20. You are capable of swallowing your pride in the work place, look at you growing up! 
21. Not everyone is your friend! 
22. Travel more, the finances will figure itself out...
23. You need to work out more, your inconsistency made you fat. 
24. Stop complaining about people stalking/creeping on you, if you're doing the same shit. 
25. Get over your Colombian phase. They are nothing but trouble. 
26. Stop being so friendly, people misread the signs. 

I'm sure I missed a few million lessons, but those were the highlights... Those are the things I'm taking with me and avoiding this new year. I'm excited for the changes to come and the new beginnings. 

I've learned throughout my 29 years of life, that new beginnings are always a blessing... and endings are too. 

So cheers to 2016, good riddance to 2015 (you weren't bad at all)... 

A few months away from 30... this will be a good year...

xoxo

signs the girl ready for the changes to come... 

Forever ever...

I was asked yesterday if I still believed in "forevers"... 

As simple as the question may seem, it's complexities are many, and I have layers and layers of answers to that question... But my reply was as simple as this...

"forever" requires a patience and some sense of complacency, that not everyone is equipped with.

Am I equipped with these two very things that make forever possible? Do I have the patience that is required for a long term partnership, or the perfect amount of complacency in me to be ok with who I've chosen...forever.

That's the part that I can't quite answer just yet. I don't know what it is to be complacent. The minute something becomes uncomfortable for me, I look for ways to change it. I'm a believer that when something isn't working out for you, you strategize in doing something that will. All things that might not seem like bad things, until you're discussing a forever with someone.

Relationships will get uncomfortable and certain things you can not change... It won't always feel right... it won't always make sense... it won't always make you feel brand new... It won't always be exactly what you want. All things that require your patience... & requires your ability to become numb to the situation.... it requires you to stick to the decision you made initially to a forever.

So I don't know if I believe in forever anymore. I'm not sure if I have the blinding ability to believe that I have what it takes to go through life jumping every hurdle required to survive a forever.

& maybe I could... but I guess I'm not sure if I want to.

for now I'll enjoy the luxuries of "temporary forevers"... because every memory...every moment in life is a forever that you will carry with you... and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with the forevers that don't make it, ever.

xoxo

signs the girl evaluating forever...

Hopeful

I'm currently watching a novela in which something was said that triggered a few thoughts (you'd be surprised the quotes you can get out of a good novela). What was said was, that often, dreams feed our souls more than money ever will. That hopes are what keep us alive and moving forward, that without them we lose a spark within us.

I can honestly say, I agree.

I'm not sure if to call myself hopeful, a dreamer, or naive, but I continuously believe that things will always somehow work the way I've intended them to. I remain positive that certain things will somehow unravel exactly how I wanted them to.

either I'm a true dreamer... or a masochist of sorts

You see, part of being a dreamer is my blinding ability to look at the good in everyone. The hopeful heart to see the positive in all situations...the small amount of hope that remains even in the most hopeless of situations...

Osea, cuando me conviene. 

I'm not exactly a nitwit (trust me, I play the role well, but in order to make the decisions I make, I must play the part). I'm more than aware of the things that occur around me. I often choose to see what I want to see instead of what is actually standing right in front of me. Its a matter of convenience, its a matter of keeping hope alive and the only way to accomplish that is turning a blind eye. This blind eye often disguising itself as hope.

Which leaves me wondering... are dreams really what feeds our souls? Does hope fill us with emptiness instead of truly completing us. Are these false expectations of how things are suppose to turn out essentially hurting us in the long run?...

Its not that I sit here and think of fairy-tales and happy endings...  Its not that I only see things how I want to see them...

Its that sometimes, from time to time...you wish for once things would turn out the way you wanted them to.

But in the end, hope, dreams, wishful thinking...often leaves us in situations & circumstances we shouldn't be in. Hope leaves us battered & beat....hope is not always our friend, but our worst enemy...

so I leave you with this...

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.--Friedrich Nietzsche

xoxo
signs the girl that dreams from time to time...

So, What are we?

If you've been in a relationship for over 7 years , & you're under 30 yrs old, chances are you aren't fully aware of the infamous "talk".

The point, where clarification is needed on where you stand with a person, once you've dated/messed around/ are "talking", for a certain amount of time.

(please note the amount of time varies in every situation, some people feel it necessary immediately, others take their time in deciding when.) 

The often uncomfortable "so, what are we" talk.

See, the truth is, this conversation is only uncomfortable when two people aren't exactly on the same page. When it's required for one person to move faster or slower than they originally intended to. It's an issue only when one person wants more than the other person is offering. It's an issue when one person is taking the "relationship" (I call all interaction with another human, some form of relationship) here and the other person is taking it there. It's uncomfortable when intentions are blurry and need to be cleared with this very conversation...

Sometimes the stars are aligned and two people are on the same page, and this discussion isn't even necessary. Other times it's literally the defining moment in a relationship. It's the conversation which determines where you should take it from there. It's a conversation some people avoid as long as they could, it's a conversation that sometimes doesn't even need to be had, because time determined what exactly you are.

I've learned, from my personal experience, that this defining conversation is detrimental to bonds that are not solid, bonds, binded together by hesitation and  doubt. That's when the "what are we" becomes a clear sign of what you aren't.

I do not think things need to be black and white. I don't see much wrong with grey areas. I do think where you stand should be determined solely by what you want and not what someone else is deciding for you.

If, "what are we" ends up being "not in the same place"... maybe that's the moment you should go find a "we" that isn't so undefined. Once you have to interpret the complexities of a situation, chances are it's too complicated for you to still be dealing with it...

so know what you are...and what you're not.

xoxo
signs the girl that knows where she stands...(sometimes, or maybe not at all)

Layers on layers on layers....

We often, 

admire; observe; judge; comment; idolize; envy; take note,

of the relationships around us, be it friendships, romantic relationships or family interactions. We either go based on what we see, what we hear or what you post. Other times we go solely on information shared with us.

No matter how much we mind our own business & stay in our lane, a tiny centimeter inside us forms opinion about other people, be it good or bad.

Thanks to social media our life audience has grown and we definitely have expanded our so-call knowledge on certain relationships.

It's almost as if we forget that there's so many layers in ever single relationship,
As if we forget, that in order to fully understand it, and grasp it's meaning we would have to be in it.
As if we forget, that in our own stories, we often leave out plenty of details that would change perspectives, not on purpose but simply because no one ever does a full play by play, it's impossible & quite boring.

We also forget that every time we give someone a snippet into our relationships, we also give them incomplete backlog of information to use moving forward. Essentially, you morph the opinions people form on your relationship (aside from people that are constantly with you &  form opinions off observation, & even so, it's a snippet of those moments) ... You share information and based on how you share it and with who , you're having them develop an opinion, even when they don't care or want to. Their advice will essentially be based on all the things you told them, so if you have nothing but good things to tell them they won't know how to help, same goes if you have only bad hings to say.

We have to be cautious with what we share and cautious with how seriously we take the things people are telling us. People will not understand your happiness if you only share the bad, People will not understand your sadness if you only share the good. So never expect anyone to understand...

So next time you're 

admiring; observing; judging; commenting; idolizing; envying; taking note,

Remember... you only know a snippet, so you might be completely off in your conclusion... Not understanding the many layers of every person and situation makes your thoughts on it inconclusive. 

xoxo

signs the girl acknowledging layers 

The 1st of the month...

I'm a young gal of 29 years old ::giggle::, which means a lot of things...but for the sake of this post,.One of the main things it means is that I'm surrounded by people that are in a lot of different places in their lives...

• Friends with babies
• Single Moms
• Married Friends
• Friends that are divorced
• Engaged friends
• Single friends
• Friends that think they're 21
• Friends that think they're 45
• Friends making a lot of money
• Friends that don't make enough
• Friends that still live at home
• Friends with roommates
• Friends that own homes
• Friends that have moved several times
• Friends that leave the state
• Friends that leave the city

The older we get, (& obviously if you maintain as many friendships as I do,) the more gaps are created with where people are in life relative to you. These things will continue to vary as the years progress, these very things are what makes it difficult to maintain certain friendships. Solely because, the things you use to have in common are things from back when you were seemingly on the same boat. Since then, you have gone off to different shores, often unable to relate. 

I make a conscience effort to maintain my friendships despite all these differences, I like to focus on the small things that are relate-able, common grounds, at least for as long as I could. 

One of the common differences , are between those that pay rent/mortgages VS those that don't. Those that know the realities of paying for where you live. The people that know the struggles of having to budget your whole life around that particular lump sum (among others cost that go around living on your own)... 

& for the sake of argument please save me the "I give my mom money" ::eye roll:: , LUCKILY my friends have all been blessed with parents that would give them the shirt on their back. So, no, that doesn't count, because I know you'll still have a roof over your head if you had no income. (I'm sure I'm fluffing a few feathers right now, sorry not all that sorry) 

Obviously not saying one is better than the other, everyone does what the want in their lives & if isn't effecting me directly, then I don't care all that much. && obviously where you live doesn't alter our friendship really. 

BUT it's a difference, which I have noticed changes lifestyles, it's an experience which can't be discussed or taught, until lived through. 

So for the sake of argument... let's have this argument when you experience your first , first of the month... otherwise don't tell me we're on the same boat. 

xoxo

Signs the girl seeing the difference

The List

It's almost a new universal rule to speak things into existence. To write things down so they become a reality. To become aware of the things you want and seek them by noting exactly what those things are.

I've been making vision boards for the last 4 years or so. Every December/January I gather with my sisters and we print out quotes & images of what we want for the year. A 'Vision Board' of all the things we wish to accomplish that year. We are goal setters and dreamers. As long as I could remember our parents have pushed us to be GOAL-diggers, to be independent women that strive for further more than mediocre. To not be complacent with mundane every day things. To believe in ourselves to know to strive for more than the ordinary...  (I've been on complete standstill & pause with this part of my life for the last few years... but that's a discussion for another post...)

One thing our parents didn't discuss much or teach us... was what to look for in a partner. They were so busy raising us as "men" (we learned to be domestic by example, but were consistently told that this was not our role in life). So they skipped on the lessons of mating. I guess they figured life would teach us that part. They somehow thought if they taught us to consistently strive for success that it was only natural that we would pick seemingly "perfect" mates...

let's just say... that didn't necessarily happen...

So for the first time in my existence I looked past the "I just want to fall in love the minute I see him" & the concept that it will just happen, get past my upbringing that partners aren't "goals", and finally wrote down all the things I want in a partner. The same way I write down the many things I want out of life.

The list flowed naturally, I wrote even the smallest details of what I want and it turns out my list is pretty simple, I do not think my expectations are far fetch. I am not asking for more than I am willing to offer. I want basic things that somehow still seem obsolete in modern day society. Of course, I'm aware that I might not find someone that matches every single line item, & I'm aware that some things hold a lot more weight than others. & I'm also aware that I might fall in love with someone that doesn't fully match what I'm looking for.

BUT... I'm now aware, that if I don't know what I'm looking for, I'll continuously find people I'm not looking for. That what I want, need & seek should all be aligned. That I should add it to my vision board this year if that's what I actually want...

& While I'm at it, get back to my other goals in life, I've been playing around a lot these past few years...but the clocks ticking & I'm ready for better... So I'm doing better... Now I have that list completed & I could put it aside let the universe happen. I can get back to working on myself and what I need to do to reach greatness.... the rest will follow. No more aimless focus... no more useless "bae goals"...

simply LIFE GOALS...

xoxo
Signs the girl that's ready.

Shut Up, Eliz!

Soo... It's a recurring theme in my life to encounter people that think I need to be shaken up a bit. That somehow I need a constant clap back battle to be satisfied. That in order to be in a successful partnership I need someone to tell me to shut up from time to time...

hummm....

The reality is, I am a tough cookie by nature. Not sure what exactly made me this way ( I guess I can think of 3-10 things). My humor and sarcasm can be misunderstood and if you don't know me well enough, or long enough, it's not always taken lightly. Eventually everyone realizes I'm a teddy bear so they disregard all the jabs I throw, but it takes some time. It takes a few interactions, it takes you having a quick tongue right back. People seem to get past it, because I'm a sweetheart essentially and once you get past the remarks, you realize I'm a good ol' time... (reference sourpatch post)

Either everyone gets over it, they have developed tough skin OR, I've become completely oblivious to anyone else feelings (wouldn't be a first). I mean, I don't make people cry or anything (well, I guess there has been a few incidents).

But I have my moments.

My intention is never to be mean, or to come out of pocket. It's simply how my humor is set up, I tend to forget not everyone finds what I have to say funny. Not everyone knows me enough, to know that the easiest way to interact with me is to either ignore me, or give it right back to me. That I shouldn't be taken too seriously 45% of the time.

I'm not a snappy Latina, that's always rolling her eyes...BUT, sometimes I could be that, I could match the stereotype, be it at work, with family, friends & men. Some remarks I just can't physically hold in, the things some people do & say just need to be commented on...

I guess I do need to be shaken up... maybe I do need someone to tell me to shut up... maybe I do need to shut up. ...

xoxo
-Signs the girl that needs to zip it, lock it, put it in her pocket (sometimes).

Sour Patch Kid

You may or may have not heard of the sour patch kids reference.

"First they're sour, then they're sweet"

In a nutshell, if I had one phrase that can fully describe me...that would be it. My ability to go from savage to cuddly rabbit is unmatched.

It's mostly because I suffer from "instant regret"...
I will verbally beat you to a pulp (I never get physical, EVER),
I will do whatever the F I want unconcerned with who it's effecting
I will follow my heart without a care of the repercussions.

only later to feel the regret in the pits of my soul & do everything in my ability to "fix" it or make it better...

Like a sour path kid...first I'm sour, then I'm sweet.

Not everyone could handle the bitter sweetness of me. BUT, (unfortunately or fortunately) people seem to gravitate towards my sweet ways, enough that they endure the sour to a certain capacity. Everyone learns to deal with it, which is why I never really changed. People cater to my unruly ways more than I'm willing to admit. I guess I'm cool or something

BUT...

Since I'm no longer 15, I want to change for myself.  I want to react a little slower, be a little less impulsive, halt my "no fucks given" train. Re-activate my chill button. because let's face it... if you know me, you know I am none of the above currently.

When I get something in my head, nothing could really stop me from fully executing, even if immediately after I do everything to retract. but once it's done, it's done...

So I'm working on it. Building up the sweet side, toning down the sour... because let's face it, one day I'm going to get beat. :)

xoxo
-Signs the sour patch kid.