Denial...

Recently a video now hashtagged #HurtBae went viral (Video Below). It was basically a couple that use to date, having to face each other and discuss where things went wrong. It's a 6 minute video of pure pain that if you ever felt it before, you acknowledged it with every second of this video. Even if situations, circumstances were all different. Pain is the true universal language. A silent one we all seem to share.

Of course like most things these days, this video went viral. I woke up to memes, commentary, remakes of it everywhere. I personally love the internet because it can literally make a joke out of anything & everything, even someones pain. But some parts of this reminded me why I hate the internet sometimes. Mostly because it gives you an insight on how some people think and often that insight reminds you how in denial some people are.

You learn that we live in a society that is in true denial of the stupid decisions we each make. That most people don't admit the dumb things they have done in the past, especially when it comes to love. That so many people find it hard to admit that at some point they were dumber than the next guy. Which was exactly the case with this video. It was filled with commentary of people saying things along the lines of "that couldn't/wouldn't be me"...

When in fact it has been all of us, at different levels, points or stages of our lives. Maybe not following the same exact script, but we've all made some decisions that looking back (or currently) was really out of character or seemingly dumb. That we've all made rash decisions, life changing decisions based on the love we had for someone. Decisions are made every day based on how we feel about someone, and sometimes those decisions seem logical at the moment, because you can make anything sound logical if you care enough.

I might not do much right in life, but one thing that I will always commend myself for, is my true ability to at the very moment admit openly the dumb decisions I'm making. Something that can't be said about many people. Does it make me better? Absolutely not. Just means I do dumb shit and don't care to continue to do it, but I sure as heck don't live in denial about it. So when I see commentary of people on their denial boat it really makes me shake my head in disappointment. Disappointed at peoples inability to relate to situations, regardless how different it may feel from where we are. Most shit won't make sense to us, and it doesn't have to. But at least take a seat and understand you too have done some dumb shit in your life before...and likely are now...


xoxo
signs the girl that can relate & will always try to

Learning to let go...

If you were wondering...I still haven't mastered the art of letting go. When things aren't meant for me, it's like I hold on tighter. I fight the universe & try to show it that YES, this could work. Assuming I know best what I need, when really I just know best what my heart wants... at the moment.  

Only once did I hold on so tight it lasted a few years, but one too many times I held on for longer than I should have, regardless of the time frame. I always claimed not to be a stubborn person, but my actions have proven otherwise. I've proven to myself that not much can sway me when I truly want something to happen or work.

 Except time itself... Time has taken its toll on me before and eventually I just move on, almost like I wake up & decide I'm over it. But this doesn't happen until I put up one hell of a fight. Until I shove and push situations, self-inflicting so much unnecessary heartache & drama. I don't fully understand why I do it. As a person who is very aware and very open to seeing various sides to a situation, you'd think I'd make better decisions. You'd think once I see something is Black, I wouldn't continue saying but what if those hints of yellow, make it yellow, or yellow eventually...

 But this is me, this is what I do and what I know. I do not know how to immediately walk away because I have to experience things until I know I no longer can. I do not cut things short rarely ever, unless I want absolutely no parts of it. I rock it out until I just can't anymore. I do not know how some manage to be otherwise and I wonder what way is best. Truth is there is no right way of doing things, despite some assuming their way is the right way. I guess we all live how we see fit.

I need to consistently & constantly remind myself that what's meant for me will be mine no matter what. Be it right now, or 10 years from now. The universe makes things happen when they should. Remind myself that timing is everything, that despite it feeling like right place, wrong time...there is no such thing... because this is exactly when this story was meant to be told... That the only time we truly have is right now, so this is what is suppose to be happening, no matter what I do...

But it seems that no matter how aware I am of these things, part of me still wants to try a little more, push a little more...just in case... just in case it needs some work on my end... just to be reminded time & time again... if it's not meant for you, it won't be...no matter what you do...

 xoxo
signs the girl that tries too hard sometimes..