Stability & Validation

Seems like our lives are a constant game of seeking stability & validation. 

Not sure what it is about human nature, but we all at some point or other require the validation of someone else in order to feel like what we do or say holds weight. You'd assume this is something we grow out of, but it's not (at least not yet). The validation & from whom you require it, changes, but the need for it seems to linger around. Like we need the praise or approval of other people to make what we do or say matter. This does not hold true for all parts of our lives, the older I get the less validation I need in some aspects of my life. That does not change that sometimes from time to time I want someone to say "yeah, you're right", "yeah, you're doing good", "Good Job"! 

Or maybe we do grow out of it all together, guess we have to age & find out. 

We are also always seeking stability, but what does that really mean? Is anything ever really "Stable". In reality everything can fall apart at any given moment, because that's life. So why are we seeking something that essentially doesn't exist? The older I get the more I crave this false sense of stability. The more I desire to feel like I have things under control. It's a great, passive feeling which gets questioned constantly no matter how your life is. It's like we're setting ourselves up for failure seeking a state of mind that doesn't really exist. A state of mind whose fundamental parts require you to achieve milestones not entirely set by your own standards, but those set by society. 

So what is it all really, what is true validation & what does stability really mean...to you? 

I can sit here & write over 100 meanings it has in my life... and I'll bet a lot of our ideas match. But are we setting ourselves up for disappointment? are these validation truly valid to our existence? & when does that feeling of stability really kick in? Being a society that is never truly satisfied, is that feeling ever attainable? 

I am no where near the person I was 2-3 years ago, heck I'm not even the same person I was last year, YET with everything I've accomplished I still seek this validation from everyone telling me that I'm doing well for myself & I sill wish to reach this imaginably euphoric sense of stability. I'm not there yet... not at all... 

But will I ever be ...there?

xoxo

Signs the girl seeking your validation that no one else has felt stable 

Do you still talk to your ex?

Society tends to set a lot of rules on what we should or shouldn't do. I tend to, for the most part, go against some of these norms, not to be rebellious, but because I go with the wind & do whatever my soul feels at the moment.

One of the many taboo things I do, is maintain friendships with people I've been intimately involved with. Be it husband, boyfriend, casually cuddling friend ;) or everything in between... I tend to remain friends with some of these guys. Not because I'm keeping them reserved for future reference, but because once I have an emotional connection with someone, it is here to stay. I pride myself in being a good friend, so despite something not working out romantically, friendship wise, it will ALWAYS work. (For the most part)

Not to say these lines aren't sometimes blurry initially, but with time it's like any other friendship. I guess this is also attributed to my ability to get along well with men generally ( a lot of girls say this, but it's not necessarily true,) I'm not a girl with a bunch of guy friends, I'm a borderline guy with guy friends.

But I've swayed off track & the point. While I pride myself in my ability to maintain friendships and in people counting on my energy... I can't help but wonder why the fugz am I being friend zoned? People don't slow fade me, they keep me by their side forever. Like people want to be around me, but not with me? I mean in simple terms I'm likely a better friend than I am a partner. I know it's really a matter of timing and meeting the wrong people, but I must be doing something offsetting. Doing something right, yet wrong...if that makes sense.

This is not to say every single person I've talked to keeps me around. Some people I'm sure want to make believe I never existed (sounds like a personal problem). It's simply to say, clearly I'm not that bad, I have my flaws, as does everyone, but it makes it difficult to pinpoint sometimes.

I'm great or just not that great...

no se...

xoxo
signs the girl that's just a friend...kinda

How are you single?

I get that question a lot, by strangers... by people who know me... yes, even by people who dated me & aren't with me (crazy I know)...

How are you single?

I no longer get asked Why, but how, almost like everyone else is validating that I should have been picked by now...

Some times from time to time, I ask myself the same thing... I have my moments in which I question myself. You see, I have made it a habit to realize you should always look within when there's an issue. You should always first see if the problem is really.just.YOU...

::pick me pick me:: 

I can sit here & lie, say that me being single has been a choice. It hasn't! Me being single has everything to do with various failed attempts at trying something with people that trying something shouldn't have even been an option. It's complicated out there... it's not a matter of who you are, how you look or what you bring to the table...

it's a matter of luck.

Pure fate...

right place right time & hey this worked.

Most people don't like hearing that... they use their marital & relationship status as a badge of honor (yes you should be commended because those shits are TOUGH to maintain, so kudos to you) so they assume it's some secret formula or something they did "Right" that got them there... when that thing was simply the universe.... & patience...hella patience...

I even have moments where I disregard everything else I've done right & think damn "how am I single, I'm dope"... Then I realize my stability... my worth...my value was being determined by my ability to keep a relationship. As if everything else I've accomplished means nothing & the other relationships I maintain well, gives me no creditably.  As if something MUST be wrong because that part of my life just isn't working the way the world expects it to...

How am I single... I'll tell you... by dating in 2017...2016...2015...2014...2013 & being super good at everything else I do except tolerating another human intimately for too long.... By meeting the wrong people at the wrong time... by not finding anyone to match my dope yet...

xoxo
Signs the girl that knows exactly how & why...