You don't know how comfortable & seemingly easy it is to be alone, until you aren't anymore.
Not to say I don't love this experience. Don't get me wrong, my heart can just about burst with how happy I am at the moment. It's been all things, but mostly comforting to find "home". Someone who adds to your day to day and doesn't take from it. Someone to share your most intimate moments with, with things as simple as making dinner or watching a new show together. Or as big as sharing responsibilities and making next step decisions. This hasn't been a walk in the park for us, "We've been through some thanggss"... & now the dust has settled and I pray in gratefulness daily...& we're just getting started in this journey in a sense... This unit that we've formed had a rocky foundation which we are now solidifying and I'm in love with its perfect imperfections. Sometimes things have to fall apart in order to come together.
BUT...
It's one hell of an adjustment when you are so use to making decisions solely for yourself. When; who, what, where, or when are things you don't even consider because its all about YOU, MYSELF & I. For a large chunk of my adult life I didn't even want to report to my boss. It's a whole other ball game these days. Decisions aren't made on the fly, or at least I don't feel they should. Obviously everyone has their own means & methods of making things work for them, & that's great & beautiful. The way we do things is that we discuss our decisions, because all decisions will essentially effect us at one point or other. It's been one heck of a reality check to learn what team work is again. To adjust to the methods of give & take. To learn to choose your battles, because let's face it you will face PLENTY. That a plus one isn't about the fun brunches & cute photos, it's about the moments where you're wondering if it's even worth it, and somehow are either reminded or have to remind yourself that it is.
I'm not an expert on this, I'm simply learning, adjusting, taking notes as I go. Embracing the moments I craved, with the one human I can tolerate out in these streets. Learning that my plus 1, is meant to be my plus forever and a day, and in order for that to work, I'm going to have to LEARN CONSTANTLY how to grow, adjust and work with this person. That adjusting is not a thing of the beginning, that we adjust 2 years in, 2 months in even 30 years in because as humans we're constantly shifting and growing, that includes our relationships.
Things essentially stop working when we stop adjusting, because things that can't bend, eventually break.
So, I'm learning to bend and appreciating the moments where I see the way he is also bending to accommodate our new lives. So I continue to be grateful for my plus one, while being fully aware, this is NOT EASY, and isn't suppose to be, but it's suppose to feel worth it, and that it does. That we're not picture perfect, but we're working on OUR picture still.
xoxo
signs the girl that found her plus 1.
