Which brings me to my real topic...
When I was single, dating was a lot of work because it just consumed your time, and energy on something that might end after a few weeks or months. You spent time fake getting to know someone, and simply knowing someone in the very surface. I expected a proposal 2.5 weeks into knowing you, needless to say... I hated it, but did it, because not dating wasn't in my plans. But it was very half ass... If I didn't immediately get what I wanted, I stuck around, then moved on to the next mission. I would fall in lust quickly, then move on...(potentially the title of my future memoir.) It would be a whirlwind high of emotions, that required too much for me to continue or bother, or for them to continue or bother. Wrong timing, Wrong people, Wrong everything.
BUT, if anyone had given me a gentle reminder that a relationship is sooo much more work, I would have gladly kept dating. Social media blurs your vision in remembering that an adult relationship requires a lot of your energy, patience, forgiveness, time, effort, flexibility, consistency, emotional strength, did I mention patience? Basically a whole lot of every possible human emotion & ability... things you don't seem to see hashtagged in the captioned "my best friend" posts we see plastered all over the gram...
Let me tell you, if my friendships required ALL THIS effort, I would NOT have this many friends... I only say that because the expectations I set for my friends are far different from what I set in a relationship.
So basically it's not "effortless", or easy .
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my partner and love sharing a life with him, he has made me learn what it is to selflessly love someone other than myself (him & my dog, go figure lmao). BUT that's only in some moments of the day, other moments I'm wondering What.The.Real.FUCK. Mostly because it requires more of me than I'm use to giving and often more than I'm willing to give. I feel it's because it's pushed me to do more work than I've absolutely ever been accustomed to. It's because I'm use to doing just enough to get what I want & that technique doesn't seem to work when it comes to maintaining an adult relationship.
& by work what I mean is mostly a lot a lot a lot of mind fucking yourself and adjusting, because you're sharing your life with a whole other human.
Getting lazy gets you no where, and not putting in works, means you just won't make it through.
Not to say I won't get lazy down the line, it's still relatively new, so we're still in the good good phase of our relationship. But the way it's been set up, we kinda "started from the bottom , now we're here" type of relationship, it's been an uphill battle in which every phase we simply get better, stronger and more solid. So, I really can't complain. Hashtag Relationship goals...
we're good. He still hasn't proposed, & it's been more than 2.5 weeks in... & look at me... still here. Impressive...
xoxo
Signs the girl that actually likes this guy even with the work
