Fitness

I entered 2016 fully determined to get fit & healthy. To cut my bad eating habits and to completely change how I looked at food. I started this mostly because I was looking a hot mess and also because I'm a toe away from 30. 

Among other shallow & dumb reasons I won't mention here

(let's face it when it comes to physical appearance you will always have a number of silly motivations) 

I'm proud to say 108 days into the year & I'm making hella' progress. Still fully committed to my physical goals. I still have a long way to go and not fully at my desired goal, but very proud of how far I've come. As little as it may seem to a bystander (I'm sure I could have done more & gone harder, but my progress is at a speed I'm cool with) it has still been huge progress to me. 

This obviously isn't my only focus this year, but it's one of those goals everyone can notice without you saying a word. It's one of those things where your failure is obvious & success is too. Spiritual, Mental & Financial accomplishments are very private and can't really be noticed or acknowledged. Physical ones though...everyone takes notice, even the ones not trying to notice. So it's definitely an added incentive and/or added pressure to obtain physical goals. 

I haven't been entirely public with my journey (except on snapchat which I use for accountability) until right now, which I'm sharing with the world my journey. I wasn't private on purpose, just didn't entirely need the world for motivation. I finally found the motivation within myself to get it right this time. The cherry on top is the people I've motivated along the way, people that have decided to change things as well, the close friends & family that are now walking the journey with me. They are a constant silent motivation.

I'm embracing the process, it becomes tiresome & unchanging sometimes. I forget what I'm working so hard for, and try to tell myself I'm perfectly fine how I am. WHICH, I am perfectly fine, but if I can achieve better, why not? 

I have to constantly fight the battle of "you're good now, but you wanted otherwise, so work for it".... So I have to fight the urge to beat myself up for not doing good enough, while patting myself on the back for doing great & being okay with where I am, all while maintaining motivation to proceed... see, even saying that was exhausting. 

Luckily the journey has been a successful one & a seemingly smooth one thus far. Celebrating every accomplishment along the way and not quitting...most importantly, NOT QUITTING AT ALL... 

This is a very personal & private journey, one that essentially can only walk on my own, but Just filling you in on the steps I'm taking to reach my own perfection... 

This isn't my first journey, but hope this ones the one that sticks & is ongoing... The one I commit to long term...Hoping for a lot of things to stick this year... 

xoxo

signs the girl getting rid of commitment issues. 

Pick Me

I haven't done any studies on this or anything, But I'm pretttttty sure somewhere out there someone has, and has discovered that as humans we suffer from the "pick me" syndrome. 

The want & desire to be chosen. 

Let's just say I've definitely been there before, in a variety of situations in my life, but probably most prominent in the "love department". 

If you don't know what I mean by "Pick me", well to me it means, you pretty much bend over backwards, juggle flamed torches & smile to make someone see your greatness.

Literally.

Whatever that may mean to you. It varies from person to person & situation to situation, sometimes these aren’t even good qualities that we highlight.

Sometimes you do this without even noticing, you simply put on your best at all times, as if you're auditioning for a role or prancing in a pageant.

Basically, like a peacock in the wild, we spread our tail feathers to be chosen to mate. 

We do our best to get chosen.

I’m usually good at pinpointing when I’m doing this (spreading my tail feathers), when I was younger it would go on for a while. I would do this continuously & consistently (if I really wanted someone). It’s only in the last recent years that I’ve come to terms with the reality that to get chosen you don’t have to do anything at all, at least not try THAT hard.

The reality is, if someone wants you, they will pick you, no matter what you do.

If you’re not the one, you’re not the one, baby girl.

To the wrong person, you’ll never be enough, to the right one you always are.

Recently for the first time in a while I found myself spreading my tail feathers… I looked at my own feathers like…”Really, Estupida?!”… Not because my feathers aren’t the shiznit… but because I was spreading them for the completely wrong individual. One that should have noticed these feathers a long time ago, & clearly has & is un-phased by my awesomeness. & hasn't & WON'T pick me.

So why do it? I should do a study to figure it out, or just figure myself out. Try to understand why I continue to slip up and do something that I know won’t work no matter what I do. They always tell us to be persistent & patient, but they never mean to continue to impress the unimpressed.

Please note my idea of bending over backwards is often quite limited & not to the extent that some may be thinking. I do “a lot”, but not much in comparison to most of the world. But still a lot, in my book.

So…note to self… you’re one hell of a catch and every single one of your feathers is worth it, to the right person. Keep working on yourself, for yourself and fall in love with your every quality… whatever comes from that will come. Whoever doesn’t see your greatness wasn’t meant to. Simple.

Xoxo

Signs the girl that’s always learning

The Box...

I'd like to consider myself a modern day woman. To an extent...
While I have some old school thoughts here & there, I'm mostly fully "modern" & "new age" when it comes to sex & sexuality.

BUT

Recently, I dramatically & drastically have discovered that I'm quite naive when it comes to my own sexuality. I guess when you're surrounded by a lot of males, you have to be to an extent, in order for it to work. If I walked around thinking all my friends wanted to get in my pants, well... we wouldn't be friends. I mean, I hate the ladies that think that absolutely everyone wants to sleep with them. But I guess I shouldn't just assume "no, Joe Bob doesn't care that I'm hugging him with this mini skirt on, because he's my friend" which is what I think 85% of the time. I mean... I don't take it as far as getting naked in front of my guy friends (but I don't even get naked in front of my girl friends either). But I am way too comfortable, I guess.

I guess I'm not as self aware of my own sexual energy as much as I thought I was. Unless it's obvious & in my face.

This is not to say I don't think I'm hot & nice to look at and admire. It's just that I assume if we don't have that type of relationship, you're not looking at me that way, because I sure as hell am not looking at you that way. As if friend goggles were automatically purchased when we created this friendship. Which isn't the case, ever. It usually takes drastic circumstances for me to even think about this being a factor. Which is where the me being naive comes to play. Mostly because I should always be aware. I should always know it's a two way street & I should be more self aware with the energy I'm throwing out there. ESPECIALLY being the person I am, I drink like a sailor and make more inappropriate jokes than one too.

SOo...NEWSFLASH someone is going to take it a certain way, at some point or other. Heck, someone might even try something at some point because of it, and when that does happen I shouldn't be 100% surprise.. but guess what ...I'm always 100% surprised. (again, naive sally over here) In fact ::gasp:: someone might be your "friend" for that reason & that reason alone... Imagine that.. lol

I mean I'm not walking around blind in these streets either, I know sexual energy when it's there..I'm just never fully aware when I'm giving off the WRONG energy.

So in conclusion... If you have a box, people are going to try to open it.

xoxo
signs the girl with a box.

Goals Goals Goals

As some of you may or may not know, 2016 came in STRONG for me, (which explains my limited blog posting, I apologize for my negligence). I've been trying to work on all aspects of my life. Literally all aspects. (So excuse me while this blog post will be all over the place, I have some catching up to do)

From as small as growing out my eyebrows, to as big as going back to school...

Living a healthy & fit lifestyle, new role & responsibilities at work...

to as simple & important as actively seeing my friends & family that matter most, as often as possible. 

Just overall a brand-spanking-new goal driven year for me. Just trying to adjust and balance all of it as diligently as I could. I never wanted to be the girl that just works & works out. Or the girl too busy for everyone else because I was working on myself. But I also didn't want to be the girl that did nothing to progress or better her life. So I'm just balancing my social with my professional, with my personal... with my spiritual... Basically becoming a well rounded adult and the best version of myself possible. 

One of the prominent changes I made this year which I always start the year off doing is setting fitness & financial goals. I make a vision board with my sisters & we all decide what it is that we want from the year.

One thing was different this year: 

1) I wrote very specific goals 

2) I immediately started working on the necessary steps to get where I wanted

Four months into the year... and this girl is still pushing hard. It gets difficult sometimes, Some days I wonder if it's all worth it. Some days I wake up completely exhausted and with no desire to continue any of these paths. Then I remind myself or someone around me reminds me everything I'm working towards. These aren't short term goals, these are things that require patience and time. These are things that won't happen overnight and some are continuous and will last my entire lifetime. I won't always get the results I'm seeking in every single thing, but I will be closer to what I desire. 

I also have to remind myself that not everyone is going to be on my team... that not everyone will be a cheerleader & supportive. That some people will doubt my dedication, that some won't believe in me as much as I believe in myself. That some people have many issues within themselves & try to reflect that on your accomplishments. 

But that I shouldn't focus on those people, that I should focus on the people that believe in me more so than I do myself, those people that are constantly pushing me to push my own limits. 

Remind myself that I'm not only making these changes and improvements in my life for myself, but for every single person that stood by my side when I could barely get up. 

That I'm becoming the best version of myself for myself... for you, friends...and for the future "you" that will get the best version of me... 

xoxo

signs the girl who's just filling you in.