Either I'm so selfless & I don't think anything I do is a lot... OR I'm actually not doing much in comparison to some (because according to most people they do the MOST for their partners) & I'm extremely selfish.
I'm the youngest of 4 girls... I received attention naturally, my parents at the time weren't overbearing with attention ( I say at the time because something switched in my mother the older we got & her levels of attention skyrocketed, Papi has been very consistent with showing love in a very unique way ), but we were always taken care of. We were trained to be highly independent & not to rely on anyone, also we were shown love not by affection physically but through attention. We're super defensive of our crew (gang), and we have each other's back when need be. We weren't spoiled with material things, but they gave us (me) things as much as they could. Their focus was education, always, nothing else really mattered.
I start by stating all this, because the first teachings of love is obviously in our upbringing...how we learn to receive it is how we'll give it eventually.
So where were we...oh yes "you get what you give"... after analyzing myself, my friendships, past relationships and observing my friends... what really is a lot? what are people giving so much of & how do I give it too? If you know me or ever dated me, you know I require an immense about of attention, but you have to be strategic, you can't give an overbearing amount, but just enough that I want to keep getting it (as you can see, not complicated at all). I think mostly because attention is all I really know how to offer.
You won't get endless hugs & kisses (unless I'm drunk), I won't cook you daily meals, I won't call you sweet things, or give you a series of compliments. I won't take you wherever I go & I won't go wherever you go. I won't stay home because you prefer it. I won't give you elaborate gifts... I've pretty much summed up all the things I don't do, BUT want to receive & feel I deserve... seems hypocritical, no? ... Well I'm working on it, I'm working on either showing my love differently or accepting that love will be shown to me to the extent that I show it (for the most part).
I mean I'm not a terrible human either... I shower you with attention, I'm always available to talk & I won't miss a call or message. For the most part I'm readily available. So when I don't get this in return, all hell breaks loose, probably mainly because it's all I really know how to give of myself & my one indication of true love.
So does anyone every truly get what they give, or people are just showing love the only way they know how? Is everyone just truly giving their best shot & what's best, is truly relative. How much compromised is required? Should I be expecting what I don't give & that's final?? So many questions I'm still trying to figure out...
xoxo
Signs the girl that is quite needy...
