Year In Review 2016...

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road... 

time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go...

so make the best of this test & don't ask why..."

Here we go again... another 365 days...52 weeks...8,760 hours...coming to an end, while another 365 face us ahead...ready to change absolutely everything.

Looking back to 2016 overwhelms me, and not in a bad way the way other previous unmentionable years have... But in a very filling, growing, memorable way. So much happened this year that has truly molded the next chapter of my life. I entered my 30th chapter this year, so that within itself is enough to remember. I guess I didn't realize how much would actually happen, but at this point I'm not sure how I'm even surprised. How I could look back at a full year and still be left in shock with how much transpired.

One thing I'll say, is that I'm extremely proud of myself for the goals set & met this year. How for once "new year, new me" was actually manifested... & if nothing else, I'll take that with me and continue on that path, as best possible. But, like all years, It wasn't all roses & sunflowers... It had it's fair share of tears, fears, heartbreaks & let downs. It had moments that tested everything I stand for, and it has changed me. It had untold stories and secrets. It had things that I wish I could change. Things that I don't fully understand just yet, but know that in the long-run it will all make sense.

So many new beginnings, mixed with endings. Changed relationships/friendships, strengthen bonds, and solidified paths... so many intricate parts that make 2016 worth writing about. It was a year that like so many others will one day be determinant to where I am in life down the line. The decisions made today, will in fact be seen tomorrow... I'm ready to see where this path takes me...

I guess this year, like so many others will hold a special place in this story of mine... I appreciate it for what it was.

Cheers to a new one to come...

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right... I hope you had the time of your life..."

xoxo
signs the girl ready for the next ride...

Same Page...

One of life's many let downs is meeting someone and not being on the same page. Such a vital detail is being on the same wavelength in any successful relationship, be it friendship, a partnership, work or any ship in life. (But for the sake of this post we'll focus on intimate relationships.) Not being on the same page can determine absolutely everything moving forward.

How a story begins and ends is all determined on how well versed you are. Figuring out where someone stands is often not common knowledge in the very beginning. It takes some time of feeling a situation out and going from there. Truth is some people go in unsure what they want, they simply go along and find that out eventually. You can go into something not wanting anything at all, and end up getting so much from it, as you can also go into something wanting the world, and getting nothing from it. It's all trail & error.

You can't really blame anyone for not being on the same page as you, unless all throughout they claimed to be. Otherwise, you can't force anyone to be exactly where you want them to be...

You also run into circumstances in which you can't entirely pinpoint why something isn't full working out, where two people are seemingly seeking the same thing yet the cards aren't falling into place. This is where things get tricky... Often the desire for something to work means nothing if it wasn't meant to. You only acknowledge this when other things just effortlessly work... Not to assume that things are smooth sailing and the only requirement is for you to be on the same page, But the universe fights us tooth & nail when something isn't meant for us, we just have to listen to the signs... Just like the universe opens doors when things are suppose to work.

This isn't to say that you'll never be on the same page if you aren't intially, just saying it will be quite difficult to continue a book when you aren't initially. Someone is either going to rush to catch up, or someone else has to slow down to wait.

I guess the most difficult part of this, is watching those that weren't on your same page, be a perfectly written verse on someone else book...

xoxo
signs the girl seeking her verses...

New Year

33 days left in the year... 

While I'm aware that the concept of time is relative and arguable. I do often find myself extremely reflective this time of year. I look back on all the goals & plans I set for the year and how well I did or didn't. I take note of the lessons learned and the collective failures and accomplishments. The stories that began, those that ended. The new characters in my story and who I am today versus when the year started.

I must admit, 2016 was one of the better years I've seen in a long time. I'm grateful even for it's questionable moments. Goals were met, journeys were taken and my soul was filled. I started to work on a foundation I was ignoring for so many years now. I truly, geniuely focused on me and fixed the cracks that many years of negligence had created. I built with my future in mind, while still being focused on the present moment.

I met new people, dated, traveled, dieted, worked out, budgeted, focused...LIVED...

I originally wrote this post and had in mind listing all the amazing things that happened to me this year, along with my hard work & efforts...Then I realized that to be grateful you don't have to announce every single accomplishment. Those that know, do for a reason, and those that don't know, probably don't need to. That I can pat myself in the back and pop my own bottle of champagne, that my accomplishments don't grow or diminish based on who knows or doesn't. That often the things that fill our souls do not have to necessarily be shared. This too was part of the lessons learned in 2016. Every year is in fact another year of wisdom & knowledge. Another year filled with lifelong lessons and stories for days... If you have nothing to say about this year, then you likely didn't do much or didn't focus hard enough on the things the universe was showing you.

The year has 33 days left, and I'm sure in those 33 days I will continue to experience things, and I will have moments that change absolutely everything... or maybe it will be 33 conclusive days of 2016...

none the less, I will forever remember this year, as the year in which so much fell into place and I finally got some parts of my life together... SOME...

xoxo
signs the girl extremely grateful for 2016...

Not the one...

I've realized that probably one of the most difficult parts of a relationship ending is accepting that "you're not the one"... Realizing that yet again time was spent on something that wasn't concrete and wasn't meant to last. It's a mix of nostalgia for the times you'll miss, mixed with a heavy heart to know you'll have to start over. Jump into this journey of seeking that which your heart yearns for and deciding to take that risk yet again.

I've learned that there is in fact a difference between someone "not being into you" and "you just not being the one". Someone might in fact have all the feelings we classify as necessary for a relationship, but not always is it enough for the extra mile, the extra step, the extra hurdle...
Just, Not the one.

It's not an easy pill to swallow, it often comes with some self doubt, you kinda unknowingly start looking within yourself trying to figure out what you might have done differently. You try to figure out what is it about you that makes you, NOT the one. What traits about yourself you could have altered to make this work. When the reality is, nothing you could have done would change the outcome. Things not only work out due to effort, but just simple universal stars aligning and something just working out. We can't force anything in this life, including the outcome of something so personal as a relationship. Some people find out they aren't the one fairly early on, others years down the line... sometimes you're just not the one, anymore... Plenty of things could have been done differently, but that doesn't mean circumstances and the outcome would change.

Prolonging a situation that has already proven not to work, is a personal decision, people take the time they feel necessary to go through the motions of an extended farewell. But once you've accepted that something isn't going to work out because "you aren't the one" it must be acknowledged that the universe won't suddenly change things.

But I guess you also learn that you don't know much of anything... That as much as you try to apply logic to something as complex as feelings and relationships, you'll never really have the answer, or know what's next. That you can only cautiously try to apply the lessons you have learned and apply them to new circumstances... and hope for the best...

but you just never truly know...

xoxo
signs the girl trying too hard.

Can't have your cake & eat it too...

Growing up in the 90's I remember Nice & Smooth had a song called "Cake & Eat it too"... As a kid, I loved this song, but truly had no idea what it really meant. In my young mind, I was like, WHY NOT?? Only to realize in simple terms, once you eat a cake you no longer have cake, you HAD it...same should apply in all life circumstances, but the reality is far from it...

I saw this quote & couldn't agree more. It's as if we no longer want to make the decision of either... 

A) Eating the cake & enjoying it while we have it,

OR

B) Saving it for when we could appreciate it. 

We want to nibble at it's edges and still expect to have a whole cake to eat when we're ready. Or getting a whole other cake when we're not even done with the first serving. We're living in a generation of greedy people, is what it sounds like. A generation of people that aren't sure what they really want and have so many options that they dabble in all cakes and want to keep their favorites. 

I'm sure I've done this myself. I'm sure I've been in situations & circumstances where I've very well tried to have my cake & eat it too... But we're not talking about what I've done here... :) 

I've been caught up in situations where people have wanted to deal with the essence of my best parts, while discarding the difficult parts of me. At least, avoiding them as best possible. Keeping me at arms reach, close enough to keep me, but far enough where I don't get in the way. 

You see I'm an amazing cake, but my layers become overwhelming too most. I've learned that whoever really wants it's will work through each layer no matter it's complexities. Even the layers they aren't really a fan of. But I've only learned this while shedding layers upon layers on the wrong people... 

you see, we live in a generation of "have your cake and eat it too"... and I almost lost myself in the process....

xoxo 

signs the girl saving the best part of herself

 

What's your speed?

One thing you learn if you date enough, is that the speed in which relationships go, develop, unravel... does very much vary case by case. No two situations is ever the same. Be it circumstances, emotions, or purely just life, how things go is truly unique. No one way is the "right" way... and I'm only really learning this now. After many trips & falls, it's finally hitting me that we just never know how something will work out, solely based on it's beginnings or even it's middle. That what seems perfect isn't always the case. That some people prefer to do things faster because that's what works at the moment, while others take it very very slowly because that seems to work too.

We are driven by emotions but lead by logic. 

or at least we should be...

We move forward with things based on many factors, some lean towards emotion more than they do logic & vice versa. The reality of it is as long as something is progressing organically and not being dragged or pulled... all is well.

Or at least it should be.

Except that we live in a society where it's a lot easier to judge a situation from the outside than it is to reflect on our own decisions. I'm extremely guilty of this sometimes. My initial reaction is to judge a situation based on my own experiences, knowing that my perspective is altered by bias opinions, and also knowing I have no idea the ins & outs of anyone else situation, making my opinion quite invalid with no true substances except a few generalizations I've learned along the way.

Seeing people fall in love instantly always seemed questionable to me, but watching someone not progress in a 10 year relationship, well that too seems doubtful...so which one is it? Where is this happy medium everyone is seeking...  what is in fact that "Right" approach...

Then I realized, the right approach is the one that feels right... the one you continue to work towards, because it works for you. That Billy & Sally being engaged after a year of being together, doesn't mean Bob & Lindsay aren't doing well in their 5 year still novios relationship. It just means things are different... and they will be different, each & every time...

But different means nothing if they all feel right.

& if you don't know what "right" feels like, then this might not be it for you... look for right, which ever speed it might be....

xoxo
signs the girl looking for her speed...

How do you feel about...?

I have mixed feelings about everything... I'm not sure what I know or what I believe in anymore. Life has shown me so many angles in certain things that it's almost impossible to have one solid view on anything. It's like I'm consistently inconsistent with a lot of my opinions.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, or side eyes me... please think of the last time you stated an opinion about something, and weeks, months or years later found yourself having to eat your words... or trying extra hard to show how things are different... if you are an adult in the year 2016 and said never...than you my friend are a liar... but that's neither here nor there.

Point is... I could no longer back up my opinions, solely because life happens and opinions are not solid facts so they are allowed to change and often do with the passing of time. Circumstances change and we're ever evolving so we are often having to re-evaluate how we feel or see things. If you don't,. than you are somewhat stubborn and unable to adjust with the times and honestly likely not growing much.

Life happens to everyone and with it circumstances out of our control, which forces us to do and say things we never thought we would. That's not necessarily a bad thing, at least I don't think it is. We usually form opinions based on what we know. So learning things from a different perspective obviously should change how you view something overall. At least that's how it's suppose to work.

Opinions are not fact... how you feel about a situation will change one day, not because you're a hypocrite but because that's what life is about. I'm convinced the main purpose of life is to constantly show us that we know nothing.

So next time someone ask me how do I feel about something... I'll start with "depends when you ask me, but today I feel..."

xoxo
signs the girl that keeps learning from her own decisions.