Word Vomit..

I have this illness called "Word Vomit"...

It's my inability to hold in my thoughts/words. Blood rushes to my brain & I become flushed... Then BOOM, it all comes rushing out. 

Sometimes its as simple as an inappropriate joke & others its as complicated as telling someone how much they've hurt me & suck. 

But, each. &. every. time... 

I'm left with an "Oh, Shit" expression on my face immediately after. Mostly because , I rarely have any intention of saying all the things I do. It's like the little voice in my head takes over my body & yells at the top of her lungs. (Clearly I'm confessing to being clinically insane)... 

Some things are definitely better left unsaid. I've yet to master the art (as you will soon learn, I've mastered close to nothing in my lifetime). I've yet to learn how to simply stay quiet. I've yet to learn that not everyone could handle my thoughts., I've yet to learn, that most of the time, my rambled thoughts won't make sense to anyone. 

Those who know me well, have mastered a few things... 

1) how to decipher the gibberish coming out of my mouth 

2) how to accept that I don't always fully mean what I say & that I just simply needed to put the thoughts out there 

3) That my intentions are pure...as messed up as they may seem sometimes. 

Mastering my word vomit takes years of tolerance & a lot of TLC. I'm the meanest, yet biggest baby you'll ever meet. Kicking & screaming, simply means...hold me.  

I stopped writing for many reasons, taking my sporadic thoughts to linger in my heard or worst, on twitter. Leaving me overflowing with things I needed to express & couldn't quite find how to. 

I'm working on this illness. Due to the endless headaches, heartaches & general aches it has caused my life & the life of those around me. Especially those I'm closest to.  

I'm working on a filter, for my brain, my mouth & my heart. Let's face it, most people can't handle the raw reality of me... 

Xoxo

-signs the girl working on her problem